The pinwheel is slowing down a bit but certainly still spinning. I've gone to school yesterday and today to start preparing my classroom and even though I'm terrified the stress working in the hot classroom has made my embies leave, it has helped to be busy. I went to acupuncture today and there was a hugely pregnant woman in the waiting room. I'm trying to look at it as a good omen. The acupuncture helped calm my mind tremendously. I wish I could go every day.
My acupuncture angel said that my mantra right now should be: possibility. I'm trying hard to remember that even the chance at a pregnancy is a special thing. This is the first time in months I've had that. I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind....possibility.
Somehow I've gotten my daydreams back. Every time I have a negative thought I try to squash it with one of my baby dreams. Try being the operative word. This thought exchange happens..oh..about a zillion times an hour.
Four days past transfer and still nothing on the symptom watch. Unless you count a huge craving for copious amounts of red wine as a symptom.
6 days until test results.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
In His Hands
I have had the worst day of crazy worried thoughts ever. Nothing would stop the pinwheel. I've been close to tears several times. It just seems like I should be feeling something by now. Anything.
I did stumble upon a TV preacher while I was channel surfing. He was talking about God's plan and how if He has a destination for me. He already knows the path and WILL get me there. Those thoughts did help for a short time. We're in God's hands...I really do believe this. I just wish He would throw down an implantation cramp or something.
I went shopping for school supplies this afternoon and getting out of the house helped. I stopped by Mom's on the way home and talked to her a little about it. She has no idea of my lunacy of course but she said that she didn't feel anything much the whole first trimester. Of course she was a young, busy farmwife at the time. It helped to talk to her but I still feel frazzled and worried that they didn't stay.
I'm going to school tomorrow to work in my classroom. I'm really looking forward to getting part of my mind on something else even though I'm terrified to work and be active in the heat.
7 days until I know if my embies stayed.
Please, God, please, please, please, please.
I did stumble upon a TV preacher while I was channel surfing. He was talking about God's plan and how if He has a destination for me. He already knows the path and WILL get me there. Those thoughts did help for a short time. We're in God's hands...I really do believe this. I just wish He would throw down an implantation cramp or something.
I went shopping for school supplies this afternoon and getting out of the house helped. I stopped by Mom's on the way home and talked to her a little about it. She has no idea of my lunacy of course but she said that she didn't feel anything much the whole first trimester. Of course she was a young, busy farmwife at the time. It helped to talk to her but I still feel frazzled and worried that they didn't stay.
I'm going to school tomorrow to work in my classroom. I'm really looking forward to getting part of my mind on something else even though I'm terrified to work and be active in the heat.
7 days until I know if my embies stayed.
Please, God, please, please, please, please.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Pinwheel Thoughts
May I just say that this waiting and wondering is for the effing birds!!!
My mind is a constant spinning pinwheel of good, hopeful thoughts and negative ones.
Thank goodness a good friend reminded me that thoughts aren't going to change what happens in my pregnancy....
MY pregnancy....I'm pregnant!
Sort of
My mind is a constant spinning pinwheel of good, hopeful thoughts and negative ones.
Thank goodness a good friend reminded me that thoughts aren't going to change what happens in my pregnancy....
MY pregnancy....I'm pregnant!
Sort of
Friday, August 6, 2010
I'm PUPO!
Thanks for all the well wishes, everyone. I'm so glad I'm not alone on this journey.
Out of the 18 that survived, I ended up with 4 healthy embryos. Not really understanding why the number went down so dramatically but it is what it is and I'm grateful for the 4.
I had two beautiful A1 blasts transferred today. I'm really PUPO! Finally!!
The drive over there was a nightmare. I fought my way through construction on the Illinois side only to encounter miles of gridlocked traffic on the bridge due to an overturned and burning 18 wheeler. After I passed the accident, I drove like a bat out of hell and was about 20 minutes late. Today, of all days....
The procedure went smoothly, without incident. I asked Dr. A what he thought my chances were today, he said 60+percent. He told me 75 percent months ago when I started this process. Before I could ask him why it had gone down the embryologist came in and things got very quiet, almost tense.
After 30 minutes of "rest" in a room with a TV and bright lights, I was sent home to an afternoon of bed rest. Thankfully the drive home was smooth. I keep trying hard to "feel" implantation cramps or a fullness in my uterus but so far...nada. I feel many good, positive feelings of hope but this is going to be the toughest wait of all.
Dear Embies,
I love you very much.
Please stay.
Dear Blog Family,
Please pray for us.
Out of the 18 that survived, I ended up with 4 healthy embryos. Not really understanding why the number went down so dramatically but it is what it is and I'm grateful for the 4.
I had two beautiful A1 blasts transferred today. I'm really PUPO! Finally!!
The drive over there was a nightmare. I fought my way through construction on the Illinois side only to encounter miles of gridlocked traffic on the bridge due to an overturned and burning 18 wheeler. After I passed the accident, I drove like a bat out of hell and was about 20 minutes late. Today, of all days....
The procedure went smoothly, without incident. I asked Dr. A what he thought my chances were today, he said 60+percent. He told me 75 percent months ago when I started this process. Before I could ask him why it had gone down the embryologist came in and things got very quiet, almost tense.
After 30 minutes of "rest" in a room with a TV and bright lights, I was sent home to an afternoon of bed rest. Thankfully the drive home was smooth. I keep trying hard to "feel" implantation cramps or a fullness in my uterus but so far...nada. I feel many good, positive feelings of hope but this is going to be the toughest wait of all.
Dear Embies,
I love you very much.
Please stay.
Dear Blog Family,
Please pray for us.
Time!
We have an appointment!!!
11:15
I was on my bike when I got the call, not too far from home but the ride home was like the scene from The Graduate where Dustin Hoffman is running and running toward the church but never seems to get any closer.
I keep flashing on that nursery rhyme:
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
Clearly I'm not thinking straight! So excited!
Off now to do the gynoscrub shower.
11:15
I was on my bike when I got the call, not too far from home but the ride home was like the scene from The Graduate where Dustin Hoffman is running and running toward the church but never seems to get any closer.
I keep flashing on that nursery rhyme:
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
Clearly I'm not thinking straight! So excited!
Off now to do the gynoscrub shower.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tomorrow!
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow! 24 hours from now I'll be PUPO!!
Whew! Got that out of my system.
Best acupuncture session ever! I swear I could feel my uterus plumping up and relaxing. She also sent me home with some crazy seeds taped to my ear! She said it wasn't about the seed but pressure on these points would encourage a relaxed uterus for a few days.
And....
I'm a FIRST GRADE teacher. I went to school today and it was so freaking hot in that building! I sweat through my shirt all over! But I was able to talk to the new principal. She's actually the principal of the other grade school in our district but will be overseeing two schools with the help of an assistant. She said that she couldn't figure out what why some of the staff had been moved around and it would be better if we were in grade levels where we were more comfortable. Whew!
She expressed some disdain for what had been done in our school in past years and said she couldn't figure out what all the changes were about. Looks like we will be going toward more of a traditional way of doing things. Personally, I think this is a step back for our school but most of the other teachers think it's a good thing. The new principal seems very much like a straight shooter and it will be a relief to not have to read between the lines all the time. We'll see. This will be the fourth principal I've worked under at this school and we always love them at first.
Whew! Got that out of my system.
Best acupuncture session ever! I swear I could feel my uterus plumping up and relaxing. She also sent me home with some crazy seeds taped to my ear! She said it wasn't about the seed but pressure on these points would encourage a relaxed uterus for a few days.
And....
I'm a FIRST GRADE teacher. I went to school today and it was so freaking hot in that building! I sweat through my shirt all over! But I was able to talk to the new principal. She's actually the principal of the other grade school in our district but will be overseeing two schools with the help of an assistant. She said that she couldn't figure out what why some of the staff had been moved around and it would be better if we were in grade levels where we were more comfortable. Whew!
She expressed some disdain for what had been done in our school in past years and said she couldn't figure out what all the changes were about. Looks like we will be going toward more of a traditional way of doing things. Personally, I think this is a step back for our school but most of the other teachers think it's a good thing. The new principal seems very much like a straight shooter and it will be a relief to not have to read between the lines all the time. We'll see. This will be the fourth principal I've worked under at this school and we always love them at first.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Embryos!
18 have survived!!!
They will call me Friday and tell me what time to show up for the transfer!
I'm still in awe that the time is finally here.
Still amazed at my strong little guys.
I can't wait to be a mother!!!
My Aunt L took me to lunch today. She kept saying how great I looked. Haha....I wanted to ask her if I was glowing! So hard not to say anything when I'm so amped up.
I have to go to my unairconditioned school and start setting up my classroom tomorrow. Problem is I don't know which classroom will be mine. There was a third grade teacher who was moved to first who would rather stay in third. We've been talking and since our principal has left wondered if we could switch since we didn't see the rationale in putting us at those grade levels where we don't want to be. I've been in contact with the superintendent and the new principal and they seem to think it would be alright but the principal would like to talk to me "at length" about it. I think she really just wants to pump me for info on what went on before she was the principal. I feel like my time is limited because I don't want to be doing much heavy work in the heat next week. School starts on August 12.
They will call me Friday and tell me what time to show up for the transfer!
I'm still in awe that the time is finally here.
Still amazed at my strong little guys.
I can't wait to be a mother!!!
My Aunt L took me to lunch today. She kept saying how great I looked. Haha....I wanted to ask her if I was glowing! So hard not to say anything when I'm so amped up.
I have to go to my unairconditioned school and start setting up my classroom tomorrow. Problem is I don't know which classroom will be mine. There was a third grade teacher who was moved to first who would rather stay in third. We've been talking and since our principal has left wondered if we could switch since we didn't see the rationale in putting us at those grade levels where we don't want to be. I've been in contact with the superintendent and the new principal and they seem to think it would be alright but the principal would like to talk to me "at length" about it. I think she really just wants to pump me for info on what went on before she was the principal. I feel like my time is limited because I don't want to be doing much heavy work in the heat next week. School starts on August 12.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
A Waiting Birthday
Hmm what to say about this, my 39th birthday? Pretty quiet. I gave myself a big splurge yesterday after acupuncture. I went to the Galleria and bought all new make up and a few things from Lane Bryant. I also got some to go cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory to share with my family today.
My mom wanted to take me to lunch today but I've been playing around with a bit of a stomach bug since we got back from Branson. Either that or it's the medication. Everyone came over tonight to share the cheesecake. Mom gave me some sweet little baby quilts we used as babies made by my Aunt Coco and my mom's grandma. She wrote a beautiful note in the card about the quilts being good luck talismans for me and this cycle. I would have cried if I had been alone.
My donor gave me the best gift of all, of course. Sometimes I can't believe it's been so successful so far. 22 eggs and they all fertilized. Strong, healthy little guys. I feel so blessed and lucky and full of buoyant hope.
Waiting with butterflies constantly in my stomach and heart for tomorrow's embryo report. Constantly thinking about my little embryos warm and toasty, growing for me. For me. My babies. My family. Please survive and thrive, little cells. I believe in you, I believe in all you can become.
My mom wanted to take me to lunch today but I've been playing around with a bit of a stomach bug since we got back from Branson. Either that or it's the medication. Everyone came over tonight to share the cheesecake. Mom gave me some sweet little baby quilts we used as babies made by my Aunt Coco and my mom's grandma. She wrote a beautiful note in the card about the quilts being good luck talismans for me and this cycle. I would have cried if I had been alone.
My donor gave me the best gift of all, of course. Sometimes I can't believe it's been so successful so far. 22 eggs and they all fertilized. Strong, healthy little guys. I feel so blessed and lucky and full of buoyant hope.
Waiting with butterflies constantly in my stomach and heart for tomorrow's embryo report. Constantly thinking about my little embryos warm and toasty, growing for me. For me. My babies. My family. Please survive and thrive, little cells. I believe in you, I believe in all you can become.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Eggs!
22 eggs retrieved
and
22 eggs fertilized!!
Thank you from all of my heart to my beautiful, lovely donor. I could not have asked for better results. You did your part, now time for me to do mine.
I'm so very happy and excited right now!
Grow, embies, grow....stay warm and grow, I'm coming!
and
22 eggs fertilized!!
Thank you from all of my heart to my beautiful, lovely donor. I could not have asked for better results. You did your part, now time for me to do mine.
I'm so very happy and excited right now!
Grow, embies, grow....stay warm and grow, I'm coming!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Waiting
I've had a nerve wracking day of waiting to hear from the clinic. Phone didn't ring no matter how hard I stared at it. grrr I really thought they would take the eggs today. I now begin to see how difficult this week is going to be. I can't think of anything else. I'm so so close. Surely tomorrow.
Great lunch with B. today. Helped distract me for a short time anyway.
Great lunch with B. today. Helped distract me for a short time anyway.
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