Showing posts with label counseling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label counseling. Show all posts
Monday, January 2, 2012
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Maternal Fetal Appointment
Big appointment today with a Maternal Fetal Specialist.
The important stuff first. This doctor is good looking too. I swear I'm meant to marry a doctor, I find them all so attractive.
He and his staff were perfectly lovely. The nurse asked me if I was ok to talk about what happened and the Doctor spent a few moments asking about my emotional well-being. These may seem like small things but it made the whole appointment much more sympathetic and easier to get through.
I got answers to two things that have really been nagging at me all this time.
He said that he thinks the membrane ruptured prematurely first causing the abruption because there was no discharge before the huge gushes of fluid and because it took me awhile after being induced to deliver. The other two weren't able to tell me this and would only say they didn't know which happened first.
He really seemed to listen carefully while I told about what happened and asked a lot of questions about the details. I told him that when I got to the hospital, nothing was done. I was told I could only lay there and hope the rupture would heal itself. Even though I told the nurses I was cramping every 5-10 minutes, they did nothing at all. This doctor said that was entirely appropriate protocol and was exactly what should have been done.
I feel an incredible sense of relief knowing these two things and a little of my trust for Dr. H. has been restored.
He believes there may be some cervical issues. I can't tell you exactly what he said but I guess the sac could have sort of sagged down through the weakened cervix (hence the pressure I felt an hour prior to the gush of fluids) The area it sagged into below the cervix is acidic and harmful to the membrane causing it to weaken and break.
So going forward, if I'm very lucky and get pregnant, he will be monitoring us closely, checking me every week or every other week with an internal ultrasound for changes in the cervix and if necessary treat the problem with a cerclage or medication or bedrest.
Toward the end of the appointment he asked me to hop up onto the exam table and he listened to my heart. I can't figure out why. I have no heart problems and you can't check a cervix through a stethoscope. I wonder if it's because patients feel more confident in a doctor who does at least some sort of physical exam. I'm also wondering why he didn't do a pelvic exam.
He also told me I would need to go off of antidepressants 30-60 days before an embryo transfer not for physical reasons but to make sure I could emotionally handle being off of them. If I can't handle it, he'll put me on something different that I can stay on.
I also had an appointment with RK, THE counselor. I told her about going off of the antidepressants and she said under no circumstances am I to go off cold turkey. I'm to be under doctor's orders and her watchful eye.
It's all a bit intimidating going forward and of course terrifying, but I am hopeful and it feels good to have that emotion again.
While I was running around to appointments and lunch, my dad and bro were here tiling. Slow work and I feel guilty I wasn't here to assist. But maybe better to be out of the way?
In between the two appointments, I had lunch at Jilly's Cupcake Bar with some co-workers. Very yum.
The important stuff first. This doctor is good looking too. I swear I'm meant to marry a doctor, I find them all so attractive.
He and his staff were perfectly lovely. The nurse asked me if I was ok to talk about what happened and the Doctor spent a few moments asking about my emotional well-being. These may seem like small things but it made the whole appointment much more sympathetic and easier to get through.
I got answers to two things that have really been nagging at me all this time.
He said that he thinks the membrane ruptured prematurely first causing the abruption because there was no discharge before the huge gushes of fluid and because it took me awhile after being induced to deliver. The other two weren't able to tell me this and would only say they didn't know which happened first.
He really seemed to listen carefully while I told about what happened and asked a lot of questions about the details. I told him that when I got to the hospital, nothing was done. I was told I could only lay there and hope the rupture would heal itself. Even though I told the nurses I was cramping every 5-10 minutes, they did nothing at all. This doctor said that was entirely appropriate protocol and was exactly what should have been done.
I feel an incredible sense of relief knowing these two things and a little of my trust for Dr. H. has been restored.
He believes there may be some cervical issues. I can't tell you exactly what he said but I guess the sac could have sort of sagged down through the weakened cervix (hence the pressure I felt an hour prior to the gush of fluids) The area it sagged into below the cervix is acidic and harmful to the membrane causing it to weaken and break.
So going forward, if I'm very lucky and get pregnant, he will be monitoring us closely, checking me every week or every other week with an internal ultrasound for changes in the cervix and if necessary treat the problem with a cerclage or medication or bedrest.
Toward the end of the appointment he asked me to hop up onto the exam table and he listened to my heart. I can't figure out why. I have no heart problems and you can't check a cervix through a stethoscope. I wonder if it's because patients feel more confident in a doctor who does at least some sort of physical exam. I'm also wondering why he didn't do a pelvic exam.
He also told me I would need to go off of antidepressants 30-60 days before an embryo transfer not for physical reasons but to make sure I could emotionally handle being off of them. If I can't handle it, he'll put me on something different that I can stay on.
I also had an appointment with RK, THE counselor. I told her about going off of the antidepressants and she said under no circumstances am I to go off cold turkey. I'm to be under doctor's orders and her watchful eye.
It's all a bit intimidating going forward and of course terrifying, but I am hopeful and it feels good to have that emotion again.
While I was running around to appointments and lunch, my dad and bro were here tiling. Slow work and I feel guilty I wasn't here to assist. But maybe better to be out of the way?
In between the two appointments, I had lunch at Jilly's Cupcake Bar with some co-workers. Very yum.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Bionic Dog and Counseling
My poor Clara Dog is in the hospital. Again, the look of betrayal as I left her. Poor pup. You were exactly right, It Is What It Is. She tore her anterior cruciate ligament and will be having the TPLO (Tibial Plateau Leveling Osteotomy) surgery in the morning and it is costing me about $3000.00. The surgery involves breaking the bone and resetting the joint so that it's at a different angle and putting it all back together with plates and screws. I told her she would be my bionic dog now. The vet said it is very likely to happen to the other joint eventually. The specialist veterinarian seemed knowledgeable, the assistants were kind and the clinic seemed top notch. I know she's in good hands. I hope she forgives me for leaving her there. And I hope she's not in too much pain afterwards.
My dad actually suggested having her put down. After which I began to cry. So insensitive.
The house sure is empty without her.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SC and I go to the same counselor. I haven't been to counseling for 3 years and I couldn't get an appointment until January 10. SC had an appointment for tonight and she generously gave it to me. She pretty much insisted I take it. This is one of the nicest things anyone has done for me through all of this.
Not sure what to say about counseling. In the past, I always walked out of there feeling stronger. Not this time. I feel only broken and exhausted. We seemed to cover a lot but it just didn't seem to help at all.
I told her one of my big worries. I made it clear that I'm not going to harm myself but I think a lot about being with my baby and it seems such a long life to live without him. I told her all about wanting to put the casket in my purse and having the crazy thought of myself running down the street with it under my coat. And wishing everyday that he was with me or I was with him. She didn't bat an eyelash.....but she didn't really say it wasn't crazy either.
She asked about what happened in the hospital, what it took to get pregnant, if I held him and what he looked like and if I named him. She asked about the funeral. She asked what I have to remember him by. She asked how the crying was going. I almost told her to just read this blog.
She asked how much in love I was with my baby.
She asked about trying again.
She told me one in three pregnancies end in miscarriage.
She said many of the things everyone else has said. It takes time, the hurt will never go completely away, etc. She seemed pleased that I write so much and that I'm planning on going to a support group.
I wish I could say I felt stronger or felt some sort of comfort, but I don't.
My dad actually suggested having her put down. After which I began to cry. So insensitive.
The house sure is empty without her.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SC and I go to the same counselor. I haven't been to counseling for 3 years and I couldn't get an appointment until January 10. SC had an appointment for tonight and she generously gave it to me. She pretty much insisted I take it. This is one of the nicest things anyone has done for me through all of this.
Not sure what to say about counseling. In the past, I always walked out of there feeling stronger. Not this time. I feel only broken and exhausted. We seemed to cover a lot but it just didn't seem to help at all.
I told her one of my big worries. I made it clear that I'm not going to harm myself but I think a lot about being with my baby and it seems such a long life to live without him. I told her all about wanting to put the casket in my purse and having the crazy thought of myself running down the street with it under my coat. And wishing everyday that he was with me or I was with him. She didn't bat an eyelash.....but she didn't really say it wasn't crazy either.
She asked about what happened in the hospital, what it took to get pregnant, if I held him and what he looked like and if I named him. She asked about the funeral. She asked what I have to remember him by. She asked how the crying was going. I almost told her to just read this blog.
She asked how much in love I was with my baby.
She asked about trying again.
She told me one in three pregnancies end in miscarriage.
She said many of the things everyone else has said. It takes time, the hurt will never go completely away, etc. She seemed pleased that I write so much and that I'm planning on going to a support group.
I wish I could say I felt stronger or felt some sort of comfort, but I don't.
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