Summer school is going well. I didn't realize that I missed being in the classroom until I went back to teaching. The kids are so cute and sweet. They really work hard and try anything I put in front of them. I love being silly with them and making them giggle. It's a lower class number, only 10, so the stress is minimal from the kids. From the administration, however, that's another story.
Well, I'm not getting thinner so far this summer, only fatter. What are my excuses? It's a weird schedule. 7:30-12:30. I do bring a snack to eat while the kids eat theirs' but by the time I get home it's after 1:30 and I'm starved. The cafeteria does offer the teachers a free lunch to eat while supervising the kids but we all know what school lunches consist of. I once saw a cook put an entire stick of butter into a pot of veggies. And who wants to eat while supervising kids? So I end up eating a big lunch at a late time and then snacking all evening long. I really have no excuse for not exercising. Mondays and Wednesdays are my graduate class, truly no time on those days but I have no excuse for the other five days of the week. Today I did homework and then I just frittered away my time, reading and watching tv.
But really I have no excuse. Why can't I get it together?
I'll never be able to forgive myself if I'm not able to conceive as a result of being fat.
If that happens, I won't have any reason at all to try lose weight, I imagine I'll become one of those 700 pound people who can't leave their home.
I'm sorry this is feeling like such a down day with the whole food struggle. I know what it's like. I've done it myself for years. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow will look better. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteDo I need to send Jullian over there young lady?!
ReplyDeleteWorking out is the strangest thing. It feels so good when your done, but getting yourself there, that's a whol other story. Why are the bad thinsg for us so easy to do and the things that are good for us so hard?!
Try 30 Minute goals, small and attainable.You can do it Paige, I Know you can!!!
Kim's advice is spot on...small & attainable goals give lots of opportunity to succeed which boosts your confidence, which kick-starts your motivation & so on...big hug!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you are going through. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I am now the heaviest I've ever been - 283 at 5'4. I've gained 80 lbs since I began trying to get pregnant in 2001 (40 of those since I resumed treatments last July). I had the same thoughts about weight affecting chances of getting pregnant. I am now 15 weeks pregnant with twins from DE. Give yourself a break. Try to pamper yourself. You are going through a very stressful time and you really don't need to add to it by worrying about your weight. One thing at at time. Fat people have babies all the time. Please be good to yourself. Wishing you all the best.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
ReplyDelete(I agree with the words of wisdom of above commenters - be kind to yourself!)
I agree with everyone else - be good to yourself. And instead of thinking of your weight loss goals, just think of being healthy. It's so much easier if you just break it into little pieces, and don't focus on the weight, just on being healthy and fit so you can feel good during pregnancy. Try it - it really does make it easier! (Especially because there's a lot less guilt when you cheat if you've also gotten in a walk that day and had all your veggies!) ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you! So this week I'm just focusing on drinking 64 oz of water. I've started cleaning a room a night, so I'm not just sitting there watching tv going "there's nothing on tv."
ReplyDeleteI know how much I love the exercise high, I've done it before. I also know how hard it is to get back on the horse and get back to that point. It just sucks knowing that I can do it and love it. I think sometimes I don't do it (sabotage myself) that way I can use the excuse for not having a special someone in my life or ttc yet. Because what happens when I do get to my healthy self and these things don't just magically fall in place? But then why am I not thinking positively about it. . .oh, the ugly cycle!
Hang in there, we can do it!