Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I'm A Cougar!

Fabulous day! End of summer school. AND we got paid for it! My mind was racing spending all that dough...but I know I'll be spending most of it on fertility treatments. Good to feel rich for a short while though. I'm so looking forward to this break.

Eclipse was fabulous!! Definitely the best of the Twilight series so far. So romantic with plenty of action. Great special effects. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Well, I'll just say Jacob was so completely ripped that my eyes bugged out when I saw him. Guess I'm officially a cougar. Fun to see it with a big group.

I've lost 10 pounds in the last three weeks. Wahoo! I hope I can continue. We went to Shogun tonight after the movie and I ate till I was about to burst. I was so uncomfortable. I noticed at our table of 7 people I was the only one who didn't take any food home. Why didn't I notice I was full and STOP? Insanely, I thought about getting ice cream on the way home. It simply is not normal to eat that much food, and then even think about more.

I've been thinking about all the emotions I've been having involving S's surgery. I think part of it is that I wonder if people are looking at me and thinking She should really be having that surgery too. I feel defensive when I talk to anyone about her surgery and have to be really careful about what I say and my tone of voice. I feel like I should explain: There is absolutely nothing wrong with the digestive system God gave me. Even though I'm very obese, I'm healthy and none of my doctors have ever mentioned gastric bypass for me. It is clear to me that my problem is not just the size of my stomach. A surgery won't cure my emotional dependence on food. I'm learning more about my food addiction everyday and still have a few good weight loss tries in me. Although I would love to drop 100 pounds very quickly, being able to wear cute clothes is just not enough of a reason to have a serious surgery. Wish I could have all that printed on a t-shirt.


  1. 10 pounds is fantastic!!! I am REALLY proud of you!

    When we saw New Moon we took E's cousin and right before Jacob took his shirt off she told me to get ready for it and then jabbed me in the side so I could swoon at him. Ahhh, the greatness!


  2. my nephew is a huge twilight fan - maybe I'll have to go see this one.

    super congrats on the ten pounds! what you are doing over the last three weeks is exactly right. if you can't chow down a yummy shogun dinner every now and then, then its not a good lifestyle change you made. Its what you do on average that matters.

    sorry you feel so conflicted with s's surgery. you shouldnt feel bad though for feeling bad. its a big change for someone who means a lot to you, including changes in your relationship. of course thats going to be hard on you.

  3. 10 pounds!! That is so awesome! Good for you!

    I'm sorry your friend's surgery is bringing up emotions for you...don't apologize for your feelings! you are entitled to them!

  4. Awesome work on the 10 lb loss!!! All those little (and big) changes add up. I am liking your approach, good for you! Slow and steady wins the race sister.

    Your feelings about S are completely normal and sooner or later you will come to terms with them. I think in the begining it's natural to being have the thoughts you are. That will subside with time. There is no magic cure and being aware of that speaks volumes.

    happy Summer break!

  5. Way to go on the 10lbs, Paige! You're my inspiration to get back on track.

    As for your friend's surgery, you don't owe anyone an explanation about anything. Only you know what's best for you. That's all that matters.

  6. There will always be people who will have opinions about what someone else should be doing whether they voice them or not. It's so hard not to care what people might be thinking of you but to some extent you have to let it go and try not to let it bother you too much. You have to make your own decisions about what is the right path for you. It took me a long time to get to the point of being ready for the surgery and had I done this any sooner I may not have done very well at it. I sometimes get scared still that I won't do very well at it. Keep doing what is right for you regardless of what someone else may think. Hang in there sweetie.