Saturday, June 5, 2010

Socially Graceful, I Ain't

Just home from a co-worker's wedding. I really am terribly shy and gatherings like this are difficult for me. I was dreading it and nearly talked myself into making an excuse and not going. But I went. It was ok at first even though I felt like the only single person there. I was able to make conversation and seem normal. I just feel so fat and awkward at these things. As the evening wore on I was more and more uncomfortable. Everyone always wants to take pictures ad nauseum and then there's the dancing. Ughh. I'm just not comfortable throwing my fat around like that. I finally cut out early. I don't think anyone really noticed or cared. I did not cry on the long, lonely drive home....but I wanted to.

How I wish I was one of those socially graceful, outgoing people who have fun where ever they are.....why do I have to be such an awkward, ugly, backward schlub?

One of my many wishes for my donor egg baby is that they are genetically outgoing and likable. Some one who is actually happy to go to large gatherings and talk and laugh with many people.


  1. I'm sorry it was a hard time. I know that feeling and have felt it many times before myself. Hugs to you sweetie.

  2. The important thing is you still went. You put your feelings aside to be there for your co-worker. Imagine what a great mom your going to be, sacraficing your needs for theirs. ;)

  3. Ahhh, add uncoordinated and I'm right there with you. Though I like to think if I lost the weight I'd be right out there. Honestly losing the weight isn't going make me coordinated though :)
    I agree with Kim though. Imagine if you were able to do this for a co-worker, how far out of you comfort zone you will go for your child(ren). And they will definitely appreciate having a mom who will do things she doesn't feel comfortable with just for them :)

  4. I'm sorry the evening didn't go well...big hugs to you, Paige.

  5. Sorry to hear that! I'm not good at being social events either.

  6. I'm convinced weddings are only fun for the bride and groom---and for the random guys hoping to get laid by a drunk bridesmaid. For the single woman (like myself), they are pure torture.

    Kudos to you for facing it head on and going. That takes Courage with a capital C. And even though your were feeling horrible inside, I'm sure the only thing people saw was a beautiful, kind, courageous woman named Paige. I hope you see that too.

  7. Oh hun, I am so sorry. Your post echoed my feelings about social gathertings exactly. I have struggled with my weight all my life, and worry constantly about how whether my shirt shows a fat roll, whether my cellulite will show thru my pants, etc. It is awful. Mirrors are my enemy and taking pictures?!? I'd rather die.
    I often wonder if people think I had to use a donor since no man would want to actually go to bed with me. They might be right.
    I'm going to wallow in some ice cream now. Join me?

  8. As an unsocial person myself, I know how you feel. I am so sorry you had such a bad time at this event.

    I did see your pic and you are so not ugly! On the contrary - you are pretty both in and out!

  9. I don't dance either (just feel foolish - I'm the ONLY Cuban without rhythm!) and I'm pretty reclusive and quiet unless I know people. So I'm not exactly the girl who walks into a party and mingles like a pro. I grab a drink and sit and people watch and wish I could steal their social ease.