Kindness has been coming from where I least expect it. A teacher at work found some pregnancy books at a garage sale and picked them up for me. Jae has been talking often about getting me baby bargains at Renie's military base. And today I found this surprise in my mailbox:
From my mother's cousin in Louisiana. The picture doesn't show it well but the embroidery is quality and very detailed. She must have had it custom made. Just the type of thing this cousin would do.
And I was greatly relieved at the size. I was horrified at the size of another adorable but to my eyes, huge, sleeper Sweet Pea had received and the thoughts of getting something that big out of my body. But this shirt is so tiny and delicate. I looked at the size of the shirt and then looked at the width of my hips and thought: still uncomfortable and painful but I think I can do this. Then my mother pointed out that the tag said "preemie". Oh...great.
I'm amazed at what people will say to me knowing I'm pregnant. People I hardly know will come up to me and start talking about strollers or onsies or pack-n-plays. Even Jae, who is a lesbian in her late 40's knows way more about all this baby paraphernalia than I do. She asked me the other day what kind of car seat I wanted. I haven't even given that a thought. I didn't even know there were different types but she seemed to know all about them.
Or they'll ask me about breast feeding. For God's sake, breast feeding! It's all seems so foreign. Breast feeding? I feel like someone might as well come up to me and say "Hey, you know you'll soon have ham coming out of your elbow, what are you going to do about that."
I feel very uneducated. I also feel like I should be wondering and researching and wanting all this stuff....but somehow I can't quite make myself do it.
I told my mom I didn't want to get caught up in all the material stuff. The tons and tons of material stuff everyone seems to think a baby needs. That is not what is most important here. She said I'll be running around in April with a naked baby screaming, "What'll I do? My baby's naked! Where's all the material stuff it needs?"