Thursday, November 11, 2010

Joyful Sound

Wonderful check up at Dr. Hottie's with his physician's assistant. No weight gain and blood pressure was 118/80. Baby's was heart beating at 158. I will never in my life hear a more joyful sound.

I was supposed to have blood drawn for the quad genetic screening but they stuck me 6 times and couldn't get the blood to flow. Every nurse in the place came into the room to either try to stick me or "consult". The other doctor in the practice even popped in wondering what was going on. It was like a bad joke, "How many nurses does it take to get blood from a fat girl?" They could get a vein but it would only provide a few drops and then stop. I have to drink a lot of fluids and go back tomorrow.

Next appointment is December 2 and will include the ultrasound showing gender if we're lucky.


Only a residual icky feeling left from meeting with pastor jackass. A bad memory that will fade over time. I am sad, however, that I'm being forced to leave the church where I've worshiped my whole life, but I know it's long overdue. This church hasn't really met my spiritual needs for years.

I emailed back and forth with my aunt and her words were a great comfort to me especially being that she's one of the most religious people I know. I told my mom and she was horrified and didn't know where to start to support me. Every time she would say something, I would tell her something else the bastard had to say and her mouth would drop open. She assured me of what I already know, that what he said was not true and what a shame he couldn't celebrate our miracle with the rest of us. She reminded me of how she felt about the closed minded conservativeness in our area and that this sort of thing was why she'd stopped going to church many years ago.

I wasn't going to tell my brother, he's one of the least religious people I know and has not made God a priority in his family but he must have known something was off because he kept asking me what was going on. He was supportive in a humorous kind of way and said that I should drop a check in the collection plate and write on it, "If you cash this, you are the worst kind of hypocrite."

My sweet, quiet, stoic father didn't know what to say. It was like he couldn't believe it had happened. But in the end, in between stretches of silence, he did say he thought what the pastor had to say was bullshit and that he, my Dad, didn't believe that way at all. He said he was glad I'd had a few things to say back to him. He said if the preacher continued to try and communicate with me I should be sure and hand his crap back right back to him.

I think Dad was angry and shocked but as usual didn't or couldn't convey that to me. I told him I was not going back to that place and that if he did he should know they think his grandchild is a sin. He said he understood that I felt that way but that I should consider that the people attending the church didn't think that way, only the preacher. I think he's right on this matter. The members are good people who I've known my whole life and I'm sure they would also be shocked to find out this "leader's" opinion but it doesn't matter. I won't go back there.

Funny, I didn't think Dad had said much but reading back over this it seems he said a lot. I'm sure Dad and I will speak of this again. Dad will take time to ponder it all and will want to discuss it again. He does this, I think, trying to convey emotion that he doesn't know how else to express except through calm discussion. Disappointingly, I don't think anything will change for him except that I won't be attending church with him and therefore he won't go as often. We haven't been diligent about attending since my grandma passed away but I'm sad to lose this time with him.

Thank you blog sisters for being so wonderful. I read your comments over and over all evening and in the wee hours when I couldn't sleep. You helped me I work through the emotional fallout of this horrible incident. You were sad, angry, comforting, loving and strong on my behalf when I didn't know what to feel for myself. I love you all.


Today would have been my beloved Aunt Alys' 100th birthday. We would always go to the Veteran's Day parade and then drop by her house to celebrate her birthday. Even though it was a casual celebration she was always dressed to the nines with her best jewelry on, beautiful white hair done and the best china on the table, ready to greet us. I still miss her and think of her often.


  1. Glad you had a great check up! I've had a similar problem with two of my many blood draws. The last time I encountered that problem they ended up using one of the big veins in the top of my hand... that was not pleasant! They say it's about hydration. Drink you water and good luck tomorrow!

    I can only pray that the preacher is on a rotation and that he will be rotated out of your church soon... so you can hopefully feel comfort in the church you grew up in. Until then, test out some other churches... maybe you'll find one that you can get much more out of!

  2. Glad it was a great checkup. The things about seeing your baby healthy and ok, it can make everything else seen inconsequential. I hate blood draws and being stuck once is bad enough, multiple times would slay me.

    About your pastor, I'm speechless. The worst hypocrites and the most horrible people in this world are the fanatics, and he sounds like one.
    I hope you can find a great alternative church soon!

  3. Yay for a good dr appointment and double YAY for a supportive family!!! I've glad that you are feeling some better and are letting the nonsense the preacher spewed roll away like the garbage it is. We all know that Sweet Pea is a miracle.

  4. Yay for a great doctor's appointment! I'm a little disappointed for you that you didn't get an ultrasound today, but December 2nd will be here soon!

    I love your brother's suggestion! LOL

  5. Great to hear the check up went well and that you're feeling better about the pastor. Can't wait to hear about your next u/s :)

  6. WHAT a HUGE jerk! I am speechless - there is just nothing to say about someone so ignorant and cruel.

    About the blood draw - drink lots and be warm. Put the heater on high and "sauna" yourself on the way to the office. You'll be amazed at the way your veins pop up!

  7. I am so sorry about this meeting with your sounds just terrible, and he was clearly so wrong.

    As for the blood draw, I feel your pain. Just got stuck 5 times this morning myself!

  8. What a giganitc prick! I thought every baby was Gift from God. Maybe I'm misunderstood, since I am a sinner as well! I hate to admit this but this has been my issue with going to Church. I find one and then something like this happens and it turns me away again.

    I never turn away from God, just those who like to try to distort his guidance to suit their own personal beliefs. I'm so sorry honey that this happened.

    Your baby is a miracle. And will be the luckiest baby to have you as their mom. All my very best wishes to you!

  9. Paige, you are such a strong woman and I'm so happy you (and your family) know that this man is off his rocker, and your baby is a gift from God. It's mind boggling he is a church leader.
    While it's sad you are leaving your old church, I believe finding a new church will be a rebirth for you. It will be the start of your new life, with your beautiful baby, and your new church family.

    And yay for a great appointment and hearing your little one's heartbeat! btw, I love the name Alys...

  10. Paige, I wish I could say I was stunned by your pastor's reaction but I would have been shocked if he'd reacted otherwise, considering his telling you he wanted to talk about what "scripture" has to say.

    Maybe he should spend a lot of time crying about the children in Cambodia and so many other countries who are forced into child prostitution, raped and killed and no one pays the price - the government just turns a blind eye. Maybe he should shed tears over ten year old girls in Middle Eastern countries who are married off to middle aged men to be raped. Maybe he should wail over the refugees in Sudan who are maimed, tortured and killed - babies and toddlers for no reason at all. Or the little girls in Africa who are raped because men with HIV/AIDS believe raping a virgin will cure their disease. No one is there to protect these living, breathing citizens in our world and they suffer agony we will, thankfully, never know.

    That would be time far better spent than crying his fucking eyes out over a couple hundred cells that certainly have potential for life but at this point, they have no heart, brain, cerebral cortex, consciousness, central nervous system - nothing! At this point they're cells - fancy cells but still a clump of cells.

    What a high drama, low IQ, hypocritical dick!

  11. Stopping by from LFCA to offer some love & support. I'm glad you recognize what an ass that preacher is and know his comments are ignorant and ridiculous! I would be irate if anyone responded in such a awful way to me. Stand strong in knowing your decision was the best one for you and your child! Hope you only feel embraced and supported from here on out and are able to find a faith community who appreciates the wonderful person you so obviously are!

  12. So glad to hear your appointment went so well...except for all the poking that is.

    It's so good to read that you're putting that whole nightmare of the preacher from hell behind you...if you can try to look at it from this point of view: God has had a strong presence in your life, He is guiding you now as well, to a place where you & your child will be loved & supported.

  13. Glad the appointment went mostly well. Except for the blood draw and you really just needed me there for that. I'm pretty darn good at the whole blood drawing thing. I hope they did better the next day.
    Glad your family was so supportive of you over the whole asshole preacher thing.