Friday, April 22, 2011

The Lab

I know my posts have been upbeat lately. Healing is taking place and life is ok but the truth is there are a lot of moments, hours, even days during which I feel like I'm barely holding my head above water. And a lot of moments when I feel myself slip under and have to struggle to the surface again. I'm only a few days away from our due date which I have to somehow survive without hearing my baby's cry. There are no heartfelt poetic words to describe it. Part of me is dead and will be for as long as I live. How do I learn to live with that?

I had a calendar review today for the new cycle. Moving toward the new cycle is one of the things helping me stay above water. While we were going over the quality of the eggs I have left (not as good as I'd hoped), the nurse said I was very lucky to have some frozen and used almost the exact words the doctor did, "There's a baby in there somewhere."

They let me see the lab and snap a few pics. I could follow those embryologists around all day asking questions.



  1. Paige, honey, I am so sorry that you are having to face yet more hardship. If there were any words of comfort I could offer, I would. I will be thinking of you through these next few days. I am glad that planning the next attempt is helping keep you about water. If you ever need to borrow my life preserver, just elt me know. Love, Nell

  2. I'm glad you're moving forward but I understand about a part of you being dead. I think you will never take your future baby for granted and never be angry about stupid things because you will always know how precious life is.

    The lab is amazing. I'd love to hang out in one. But one question... Is that a blow torch on the counter. Do they really use a blow torch to make our babies?

  3. I like the nurse's and doctor's forecast for you.

  4. Love the words "There's a baby in there somewhere"... and love seeing the lab - wish I could look into the lab at our clinic xoxo

  5. First, I am surprised they let you take a picture of the lab. I think that means they are understanding, good people and I love the fact that you have the picture.
    Second, I believe there will be a baby in the future with all of my heart. S/he will be the most amazing child and will most certainly be loved.
    You know I'll be available if you need to talk on the 25th. Or before. Or after. ♥ya

  6. Think about you and Greyson alot lately. And also his future little brother or sister. Kinda cool to see where some of the magic will happen and to know how awesome your doc and his staff are.

    Thanks for sharing with me tonight.

  7. Thinking about you now and over the next few days. I so wish things were different for you.

    But I know your doctor and nurse are right - there is a baby in there, and you will hold Greyson's sibling in your arms one day in the not so distant future.

  8. So cool to see the lab and hear your words of progression. No words of wisdom about the due date. I hope you let us know when it is so we can be there with you, even if only in thought.