I know my posts have been upbeat lately. Healing is taking place and life is ok but the truth is there are a lot of moments, hours, even days during which I feel like I'm barely holding my head above water. And a lot of moments when I feel myself slip under and have to struggle to the surface again. I'm only a few days away from our due date which I have to somehow survive without hearing my baby's cry. There are no heartfelt poetic words to describe it. Part of me is dead and will be for as long as I live. How do I learn to live with that?
I had a calendar review today for the new cycle. Moving toward the new cycle is one of the things helping me stay above water. While we were going over the quality of the eggs I have left (not as good as I'd hoped), the nurse said I was very lucky to have some frozen and used almost the exact words the doctor did, "There's a baby in there somewhere."
They let me see the lab and snap a few pics. I could follow those embryologists around all day asking questions.