Thursday, September 30, 2010

Staff Meeting

Oh boy, I was getting nervous toward the end of the meeting when I knew my time to tell everyone about Sweet Pea was getting close. My heart was just pounding! I could see the few people I told around the room and I could tell they were each about to burst too.

I tried to make a little joke, "The rumors are true, I drank the water here at school and now I'm 10 weeks pregnant."

Clapping, cheering, hugging, screaming, disbelief, questions. Wonderful. Just a delightful and heart-warming experience.

I think everyone, at least once in their life, should have a chance to have a group of people yell and cheer and be happy for them. I was all smiles and laughter at the time but right now, writing about it, I'm a little verclempt.

Afterwards, I went to Pi with LP and JH, the two friends from school that were just about the first to know a few weeks ago. Felt like things had come full circle.

I love being pregnant.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Best Reaction Ever

I showed my friend Jae the pictures:

Jae: That's a funny joke, haha.
Me: I'm pregnant.
Jae: Yeah right, you're funny.
Me: Really I'm pregnant.
Jae: You photoshopped those pictures.
Me: Jae, I'm 10 weeks pregnant!
Jae: You took a picture of a friend's test.
Me: My due date is April 25! I'm having a baby!
Jae: There's no time stamp on these pics. You faked them.
Me: Right there, August 15. I'm really 10 weeks pregnant. You're going to be an auntie.
Jae: Are you sure this isn't a joke?
Me: Would you like to see my ultrasound pictures?
Jae: You're having a baby? That's great. Love to babysit....etc

Then she left and I think she may have been embarrassed or something. Even when the truth sunk in, it was kind of a cold reaction. No hug or congratulations or anything. Well, she came back after a few minutes with a candy bar held in both hands like it was a tiny kitten or something.

Jae: I thought the baby might like this.
Me: Oh thanks, Jae, that is so sweet. Should I eat half or whole? (She's our PE teacher who I talk with about nutrition a lot and I always jokingly ask her that if I have some sort of treat in my lunch.)
Jae: Half! And make sure to bring those ultrasound pictures tomorrow."

I'm not sure she really believes me but kind of sweet.

Staff meeting at school tomorrow. I told my principal that I'm pregnant and she agreed to let me have a minute to announce it to everyone. I was going to wait until after my next doctor's appointment but the next staff meeting after that is a month away. I can't wait that long!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Double Award!


Thank you to both Noha at New York-Cairo Baby and Samantha at And Baby WILL make 3! for The Versatile Blogger Award. I'm honored and tickled. Both these lovely ladies are dynamic and pregnant bloggers. Stop by their blogs and say hi.


Now here are the rules to those who I award the Versatile Blogger Award to;

The Rules:
•thank and link back to the person nice enough to give you the award
•share seven things about yourself
•pass the award along to seven other bloggers who you think are fabulous
•contact the bloggers you chose and let them know about the award

Seven Things About Me!

1. One of my favorite meals is breakfast for dinner. Not only is it usually a quick and easy meal to prepare, there's something slightly (very slightly) rebellious about eating a morning meal at night.

2. I haven't exercised since August 6. Things are getting quite jiggly. Someone really should do something about that.

3. When I was 14, my brother shot my front tooth out with a slingshot. To this day he claims he was aiming at something behind me. I'm still sure he was aiming for my head.

4. I'm the only person in America who does not like wings, buffalo or otherwise. Slimy, too hot and greasy...ick.

5. Four years ago I was engaged to an over-the-road truck driver. It didn't work out. Thank God.

6. I still have no pregnancy symptoms at all. I'm starting to worry that I've become a cracked brain woman who has convinced herself she's pregnant and then buys a baby doll and pretends it's a real living baby for the rest of her life.

7. I should be doing homework right now for my grad class tomorrow. I have to force myself each week to do this work. I enjoy the class itself and tutoring the student but the outside of class work....ughhhh. I would rather be watching reality TV.
I'm paying this award forward to:

Shannon at Chasing Rainbows
Inbetween at InBetween
Lauren at Lauren vs. The World
Hopeful at My (hopeful) Journey to Motherhood
Billy at My Pathway to Motherhood
Nell at Skating On The Edge Of Madness
Gille at Endo and the Single Girl

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Surprising My Aunt and Uncle

I was over at E's new house checking out the progress on the renovations. Dad and E were there doing some tiling. It really looks like they're in the home stretch. They have to put flooring down in the living room, along with other odds and ends and do some serious cleaning but I think they'll be moving in a few weeks. Mom has been really busy painting and doing projects for the girls' rooms. Painting a huge jigsaw puzzle on one wall in Stretch's room and making a dressing table for DollFace using parts from a dressing table my grandma made for her as a child.

While I was there, Aunt L (Dad's sis) and Uncle F stopped by to check out the progress. I was able to get them alone and drop my news on them. I really wanted to tell my aunt in person even though I was a little nervous about it. They are quite conservative and have 3 daughters who are stay at home moms. I thought they might be a little judgy. I shouldn't have worried.

When I told them the news, L actually clasped her hands to her chest and took a step back. I think she gasped "Oh Paige!" F's mouth dropped open. But then they both smiled huge smiles and I knew it was ok.

L is a nurse and immediately started asking questions and was interested in all the details of the process. I'm close with her and so many times I've wanted to ask her opinion of the medical side of things over the last year but didn't know how to bring it up and didn't want to be constantly asked about how it was going. In between questions, she kept going on about what a surprise it was and how did I keep that all under wraps all this time and what was my dad's reaction. She said she could never be that surprised again. I said something about telling people and their reactions and that I just did what I had to do to start my family. She said something about it being 2010 and that she was glad I'd gone for it and that tongues would be wagging but who cares. Guess my conservative aunt is more "with it" than I gave her credit for.

She asked multiple times if she could tell her girls and how they wouldn't believe it. I told her she could and to email me what their reactions were. Their daughter recently announced her second pregnancy. She's due about two months before me.

F had very quickly disappeared after I broke the news and I don't really blame him for not wanting to stand around talking about how his niece got knocked up but as they were getting ready to leave he sort of sidled up to me and said I'd sure given them a shock but he was happy for me and congratulations. Kinda sweet.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant today.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Missing Zoe

My little Zoe has been missing for over a week this time. Guess she's gone for good. I'm hoping she's found another family in the neighborhood who cares for her and enjoys her company as much as I did. I took this pic of her playing in a puddle of sunshine a few days before she disappeared:


Zoe,

You've given me so much comfort, companionship and laughs the past few years. I hope you're happy where ever you may be. You'll be missed.

Your servant/roommate/mom

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Thoughts

Today a coworker at my school announced that she's six weeks pregnant. A young, healthy woman who's been trying for about a nanosecond.

My first thought: Oh God, not another one, quick act happy....wait I'M PREGNANT too, I don't have to be jealoushappy or bitterhappy. I'm ACTUALLY happy.
My second thought: I'm MORE pregnant than you are. Hahaha
My third thought: Don't start screaming "ME TOO! I'M PREGNANT TOO!!!"

I'm determined to wait til after my triumphant reunion with Dr. Hottie on October 11 to announce it at work. An eternity from now but he was out of town and it was the first time I could get in without missing work. Must save those sick days.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Believe

Thanks, Kim, for posting this inspiring song from Dr. Geoffrey Sher's blog.


video


I wasn't always hopeful along my journey to pregnancy. Many times I was about as discouraged as a person can be. Hopeless.

If you're feeling that way.... please believe.
I'm living proof that even the biggest of dreams really do come true.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Pennies From Heaven

When my great Aunt Alys died, I cried. A lot. I cried every day for a long time. I cried from the day she died which was October 30 until sometime in January. One day in January I realized: I've been crying everyday for 3 months, better get it together or get some professional help. Around that same time, I began finding pennies. Everywhere. In the grocery store, at school, at home. Everywhere. I'd find 3 or 4 every week. I still find more than my fair share of pennies.

Aunt Alys had a thing for spare change. She hoarded it all over the house. Jars, boxes, various piggy banks for special classification of coins. Ok, she sounds a little crazy and maybe she was but I adored her. After she died, when we were cleaning out her house we found a jar with only pennies from 1971. The year I was born.

I'm not usually the type to believe in "beyond the grave" stuff. I believe those who have gone before us are with us in our hearts and memories. But I've come to think of these pennies as being sent from Aunt Alys. It's something she would have done when she was living. Given me a little something to brighten my day. I feel her presence strongly when I find pennies.

I've often wondered what Aunt Alys would think about my life choices this past year.

Last week I found 2 dollars in change in the University parking lot. Three times this week I've found pennies while on recess duty at school.

Pennies from heaven?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A Little Gift And A Big Party

Saturday:
Beautiful lunch with BS at the Maryville Winery. The chef was plucking herbs out of the garden as we came up. She gave me a gift for Sweet Pea. An adorable, fuzzy white sleeper. The size says 0-3 months. It seems huge! I'm in denial that my body is producing something that large which somehow has to be expelled from a body cavity. One of my body cavities. It's huge, I tell you.

Sunday:
My parents hosted their 2nd annual "Shed Party". Last year they built a huge warehouse and office building on their farm and celebrated the new "shed" and their 40th wedding anniversary with a huge party in the clean, new warehouse. It was such a success that they've decided to make it an annual event. It is so good to see them celebrating their achievements.

After a night and morning of 2 inches of rain which stopped the corn harvest, the sun came out just in time for my parents to host 125 guests this year. Tons of children running everywhere, playing in the hay bales, tormenting the cats and dogs. Adults and children watching milking and "helping" feed calves. This year a calf was born during the party. Kind of funny to me to see all the city folk making such a fuss but if you've never seen that sort of thing, I guess it's special. PS brought her face paints and was busy all afternoon. I'm not even sure she got a chance to eat.

Great food. Dad did some welding repair work on this guy's barbecue truck and in exchanged he catered the meat for the party and everyone brought a dish as well. I'm telling you those were good eats!

In the evening, the music was turned up and Mom and Dad and their country dancing friends were able to have a few turns around the dance floor. So cute to see all of them doing a couple's dance in a circle and a few kids dancing in the middle. KR's little boy was so cute, he kept asking her to dance. Very out of character for him, she said.

So good to see cousins from both sides that I don't get a chance to see very often. DollFace and Stretch got a chance to play with cousins they don't know very well. I forget how funny we are as a family. I laughed the day and evening a way.

C kept coming up to me and saying, "What about so-and-so? Do they know?" No, no one else really knows and I didn't want to announce it at this party. This was my parents time to shine, not mine. All in good time.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant today.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Yaya Emails

My FB email to the yayas:
J and J, I have something very big to tell you. I'M PREGNANT!!! and I'm over the moon happy. Congrats, you're soon to be aunties.

S and MC,
Thank you so very much for making my news so special and being interested. Telling you was everything I've been daydreaming about and more. I'll treasure the memory of your reactions and the love you showered me (us?) with.

R, Sh, MB,
Thanks for your stellar reactions on the phone. It was kind of fun to tell you that way on the speaker phone. Funny how similar all your responses were...silence followed by an expletive and then wishing me a hug over the phone!

Thank God we live in the modern age and can communicate so easily weather we're together or not. And thank God that in the modern age, an old gal with rotten eggs can become a mother.

Love you all,
Paige




Reply from JS:
OOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMM GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I am beyond excited for you and am bummed I had to miss out of getting the news in person! But....you are RIGHT, modern day technology makes it a-ok!

I can't wait to be an auntie and already have fun ideas for a baby shower!!!! ; )

You are going to be a great momma, Miss. Paige and I am SO SO SO dang excited for you and that little baby in your belly!!!!!!!!!!!

LOVE all of you dearly! This news makes my night! ♥
J




Reply from MB:
Paige- I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for your amazing news!!!! If there's one of us that NEEDS to be a mom, it's definitely YOU. I know that this baby will be one of the happiest kids on earth and I know you are definitely in for the time of your life! I am SOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPYYYYYYY FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! ♥♥♥♥
Love you (both) :)
(She's also sent me two emails with pregnancy advice. Hehehe)



Reply from JK:
HOLLLLLLY CCCRRRRAAPPPPP!!!! Ok, so everything I was going to say Melissa and Joi just said but CONGRATULATIONS PAIGE!!! I AM SOOOOO STINKING HAPPY FOR YOU IT IS UNREAL!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO BE AN AUNTIE TOOOOOO! Love you ladies!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!!




Reply from S:
Paigey,
I am so happy for you and your baby!!!! You deserve all of your dreams!!! You will be a fabulous mother!!!!! :) WOOHOOOO!!! YIPPPEEEE!!!! Still doing a screech and a happy dance for you!!

S


Little things like this I want to be able to look back at in years to come and remember.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Bathing Memo

Part of a memo from our principal. The gossip is that this was district wide.

"This is a professional place and you are viewed as an expert by your coworkers, students and parents. Please remember to come to work neatly dressed at ALL times. Loungewear, dirty, wrinkled, and very revealing clothing are inappropriate for the workplace. Your hair should be combed neatly and your body should be clean."

We all had a good laugh. Really? Hard to believe that someone in the district is not grooming thier hair or bathing! None of us could figure out who this memo might be directed to. Certainly no one in my building, in my opinion.

Lucky for me I take a bath every Saturday night, weather I need it or not! LOL

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Telling My Yayas

First off, out of 8 yayas including myself, 5 canceled. 3 were sick, 2 had plans that had come up suddenly. So it wasn't the whole group as I had hoped. But the two who were here were wonderful. I feel so showered with love right now. I will treasure the memory of this night forever.

S. got here first and it was so so difficult to hold the news in while waiting for MC to come. It was funny because she was going on and on about some stomach trouble she's been having and how she could never have a child because she was sure she couldn't handle that kind of pain. I was so smiling!

After MC arrived, I was barely able to make it through greetings and pleasantries before I pulled out the strip of ultrasound pictures and said, "I wanted you guys to look at some pictures of my baby. I'M PREGNANT!!!"

Yes, there was squealing. And tears. And hugs. And laughs. And repeated exclamations of "Wow!" "I can't believe it!" "I'm so happy for you!" "We're going to be aunts!" S actually started crying and had to sit down, like she was shaky or something. MC, who is generally not the squeally type, did the girly jump up and down and squealing thing. Hours later she said, "I can't believe I jumped up and down and squealed like that!"

Every once in a while as they were asking questions and I was telling our story one of them would say, "You're going to be a MOM!!" or something similar and I'd say "I KNOW!"

It was all so amazing. I just feel so lucky that my baby already has so many people looking forward to it's arrival. I know that whatever happens these girls will be there for me and for us. I feel very lucky to have such great friends.

We called R, Sh, and MB and told them on speaker phone. It was funny how similar all their responses were. Silence followed by some sort of expletive and squealing. I'm not as close with J and J. I facebooked them. They were at functions and I wanted them to get the news from me in some fashion.

Remember that I've been quite secretive about the whole process ever since I found out my eggs were rotten. My sweet yayas didn't even know I was continuing to try to have a baby so it was quite a surprise for them. I just love how my friends (and women in general) can be so happy for each other. It was as if it was their good news too.

When they were getting ready to leave, they bent over and talked to my tummy. It was the first time anyone has done that. MC spoke Spanish to the baby and joked about it being bilingual. I laughed but got choked up at the same time.

I'm so happy to have everything out in the open and to be pregnant and loved!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Last Shot

I just slammed myself with the last injection on the calendar. So no more of these:
And also no more of these:



We're really out here on our own. No more yucky, yet comforting medication support. No calendar to reasure myself that I did the right thing. Just us.

I'm so happy and grateful to get to this point...but a little anxious too.

Come on, Body. Don't fail us now.

Thankfully no more of these either:

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Weekend Update

DollFace was here to spend the night last night. Sometimes I have to wonder about that kid. We were having a tender learning moment with a very active inch worm when all of a sudden she starts yelling, "Die, die, die!" and tries to smoosh the little guy. I saved him from Miss Hyde until Miss Jekyll returned. Moving big rocks and analysing tiny insect ecosystems (rollypolly bugs rule) was on the agenda as well as dissecting (err smashing) acorns with said big rocks. We also made this recipe. Yum, yum! I can tell it will be one of our new favorites.

Mom and Dad went to DollFace's school this week for Grandparent's Day. I heard the story three different times from them all. Sounded like DollFace was as delighted as they were to be there. They said she was so proud of her locker and being the "caboose" for the class line. Special lunches in paper bags rounded out the excitement. You can imagine what I'M imagining. Ahh, new daydreams....

I went by Mom's to drop something off and found DollFace and Stretch alone in the house "scrubbing" the kitchen floor. It looked like there was more "spilling" and "sliding" going on than scrubbing. DollFace was standing in the scrub bucket and fell over, bucket and all. I can't imagine the situation that would have put them alone in their grandparent's house doing something like that. Pretty funny though.

I stopped by E and C's new house. They are really coming along with the renovation. Unfortunately, they found black mold in the basement a few weeks ago. The situation put everyone on overload but the seller agreed to compensate partially for gutting the basement and new drywall. The house now looks like they are entering the home stretch of the renovation. Dry wall is almost finished and they were painting when I was there today. Mom has been busy getting ready for the second annual farm open house and is distressed that she hasn't been able to help more. Lots to do because the yard, house and warehouse/office need to be spruced up for company.

Today I cleaned house and made two lasagnas for the freezer. My yayas are coming for dinner on Wednesday and I'm telling them about my Sweet Pea. I can't wait! I'm sure you will hear the squealing from where ever you are. I think it will be all 8 of us. All 8 of us haven't been together for a very long time. I'm thinking Christmas time last year was the last time all of us were together. Parts of the group get together regularly but it's very difficult to coordinate 8 busy womens' schedules so if we're all together for the news it will be a special night indeed. I practically giggle every time I think about it. I really can't wait!

I'm 8 weeks pregnant today!!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Pregnancy Nirvana

I think I've discovered a state between earth and heaven. Early pregnancy. I'm still having zero symptoms of any kind. An inflated sense of enhanced well-being prevails. I wish there was a way I could verify daily that I actually am pregnant. An at-home ultrasound machine, maybe?

My eyes are wide open about what is coming at me. I know there will come a time when challenges prevail.

I just read an article today that said that overweight women have much greater risk of gestational diabetes, preclamsia as well as "miscarriage, preterm labor, high blood pressure, certain birth defects, postpartum hemorrhage, postpartum blood clots, postpartum pneumonia, postpartum depression, c-section wound infection, having a large baby, having a baby that gets stuck on the way out, and having a c-section." Stuck on the way out??? Yikes!

Check Spelling
I've read some of the beautifully and brutally honest blogs of new mothers. I'm aware that mothering a newborn on my own will be the toughest thing I've ever done. I know there will be fatigue, screaming, poop, no sleep, lots of worry, barf, mountains of laundry and so much more I'm not aware of. C said it best. It won't be like whatever you think it will be like.

Not to mention, mothering a teen. Ugh. And sending a child off to college? When I'm close to 60? Ummm, paying for college when I'm supposed to be thinking about retirement?

But for now that all seems so very far away and I'm cherishing every moment of this pregnancy nirvana. Banking these precious moments for when times get tough. That old Frank Sinatra song runs through my head everyday:
"Fairy tales do come true. It could happen to you...."

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Picture Project

I've been working on finishing this project:


The shelves have been painted for weeks, but I'm just now getting around to finding frames for all the pictures. So many cherished photos, this is only a fraction of the ones I'd like to put up. I wonder if the shelf is overwhelmed and too busy looking but I have a very limited space to hang photos.

My grandparents have all passed away as well as my beloved great-aunts, Aunt Alys and Aunt Coco. I miss them terribly and I often wonder what they would have thought about my situation. Single and pregnant by donor egg and donor sperm. Part of me thinks it would be beyond their reckoning, futuristic and sci-fi sounding. Heck, I barely believe it has happened, myself. I think that each of them, in their own way, would have been judgy. I know the aunts would have swooned to think of an unmarried mother in the family. Oh, the scandle. It would have been talked around the whole family, I'm sure.

But Aunt Alys was married to my Uncle Mick and they were childless. Aunt Coco was unhappily unmarried because she fell in love with a Catholic boy and her parents forbid her to marry him and of course she was childless, too.

Perhaps they would understand some of the heartbreaking longing I've gone through. Maybe they would have seen that I just could NOT stop the journey toward this, the biggest of any dream I've ever had. That something far bigger than myself was propelling me forward, no matter what challenges were faced. Perhaps if they had been born in a different time, in different situations, each of them may have thought about going forward the way I have.

I know they would have all loved my baby when it made it's appearance.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I Really Do Love Lucy

I've so been enjoying old episodes of I Love Lucy. Tonight after a very long day my favorite episode of all time.

If you need to laugh tonight, press play.

video



"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." --Lucille Ball

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Dollywood Party

My colorful friend, Troy, is turning 40 tomorrow. His life partner threw him a surprise Dollywood themed party tonight. Apparently, Troy has been bugging Tony to go with him to Dollywood for a while. He thought it was going to be an intimate dinner with a few friends but Tony had invited everyone. Guests were invited to dress up like Dolly or Kenny Rogers. I went with Laura and Mia from school. The three of us along with Troy used to teach kindergarten together. None of us dressed up but believe me there were some fantastic and hilarious costumes. Boobies were bouncing everywhere. Troy joked as he was cutting the boob cake that his mother would be so proud but he was very uncomfortable near all these boobs.

We has so many laughs and talked over so many good times we had together. It was so good to catch up with Troy. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I had a chance to visit with him again. We were glad to see the charming home he shares with Tony and best of all they seem very relaxed and happy together.

Sweet Pea Spree




Friday, September 3, 2010

My Sweet Pea

How full my heart is! A wonderful ultrasound. My baby is measuring perfectly for it's age and the wee little heart was beating like mad. My heart was bubbling over with relief and joy.

I keep staring at the pictures. I used to chuckle when people showed off their black and white blobs. MY blob is sooo much cuter and sweeter than any other blob I've ever seen.

Dr. A has released us into the wilds of OB-land. With a tag in my ear so I can come back someday and procreate again, maybe. It's not really sinking in yet that we no longer need a specialist. We're on our own out here in the normal world. I'm a normal pregnant lady.

What a journey we've had. Is it ending or just beginning? What once looked so bleak now seems so bright and full of .... everything.




+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AND just so you'll know I haven't gone completely maudlin, I'll tell you all that I was so mentally and emotionally overcome that I competely hicked out at the end of our appointment and said something like, "Oh Dr. A, if I had britches on right now I'd give you such a squeeze." An Elly Mae Clampett moment for sure. I'll bet he's laughing around the dinner table right now over that one.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Belly Rubbing

I was laying here this evening wondering if I should allow myself to doze off and thinking about what to write tonight. I started thinking about how happy I am. Really and truly happy. I was thinking about how much I love this baby already. It's a bigger love than I've ever felt before. Already and it's still so small and inside me. Well, there I was dozy and feeling so content....without even realizing it, my hand moved to my belly and... yes, friends, I started rubbing.

I have become that which I once disdained.

A belly rubber.

I'm going to try very hard to keep my belly rubbing private. I remember the emotions belly rubbers created for me when things seemed bleak. And of course it would make me look crazy since I don't look pregnant, just fat.

I thought I'd never become this....a happy, content, sleepy, belly rubber.