Monday, May 9, 2011

Buckle Up

One reason I will not be able to be a teacher for my entire career:
Today a girl came up to me and said she had found this note and she handed it to me. The note went on about how the writer wanted to "take it to the next level" and "get married on FB". I would have brushed it off but on the back it said "I want to put my dick in your ass."

Yes, you read right. Appalled, I launched a grand inquisition (during time that should have been spent teaching) including taking handwriting samples and involving the principal. I do not know where a first grader would hear this kind of language but it is clear to me that he is seeing or hearing inappropriate things.

It would be one thing if this was a one time thing but something like this comes up too often at our school. A few weeks ago a boy (not in my class, thankfully) told a girl she should suck his "penis". They talked to the older brother who told them that the mom and sister thought the first grade brother was taking off the 1 year old's diaper and "freaking" on her.

WTF!!! You "think" your son is "freaking" on your infant granddaughter? And clearly you were talking about in front of the third grader. Ummm don't you think you aught to be DOING something about that little problem in the family dynamics?!

There are a lot of days I ask myself what the hell is wrong with some people.

I am sickened. Horrified and sickened. Even after 13 years of working in the ghetto I am not hardened to this sort of thing. These are beautiful, intelligent children but they're not cherished or protected the way children should be. It's too hard on my heart....I'm not sure how many more years of this I have left in me.

It's the first week of tapering off the antidepressants. This week I take one two days in a row, then off two days. Next week, I take one every other day and the final week every third day. I start Lupron on Saturday.

Buckle up,'s going to be a bumpy ride.

91/365 (actually taken yesterday)
Every time I see this sign in the grocery store, I think the words are backwards. It should read "NEEDS BABY".


  1. OMG. I can't even think of anything coherent to say in response to what those poor kids have experienced/heard/seen. I don't think I'd be able to handle teaching those kids forever, either. It's heartbreaking - they deserve so much more.

    Wow, you are brave in so many ways! Stopping antidepressants and starting Lupron in the same two weeks - it's gonna be rough, but you can do it, you've been through worse already. Thinking of you often.

  2. You're probably the most stable thing for a lot of those kids. My mom was a teacher and I don't know how she did it all those years.

    You're right 'needs baby'.

  3. My gosh! I don't even hear that kind of language. No child should be in the middle of all that. I wouldn't be able to take it very long either.

  4. Coming from teaching in a different ghetto, I understand how you feel about those kids. I swear, I just wanted to take all of them and keep them with me.
    I had several freshmen coming in to high school with one, or sometimes more than one child already. 14 years old and 2 children already?!?
    They would tell me it was common to lose your virginity when you were about 10 years old, and that it was pretty common that older family members were usually the culprit.
    That was one of the reasons that I had to get out of there. No matter how much I tried, no matter how supportive I was, I couldn't change their lives for them. It was too much for me to see.
    I hope that one day you find a position where you don't have to see that kind of thing all the time. I wish that one day kids wouldn't have to face issues like that. What is wrong with people today? I just don't understand how anyone could hurt a child.
    Good luck on the weaning from anti-depressants. If you need me, I'm here.

  5. Paige, honey, I have heard similar stuff with my high schoolers but can not even imagine this coming from little ones. It does break my heart to hear all of these stories. I also worry about all these little kids who are not protected and cherished. It is so sad when these people can have more and more babies which they don't care for. Then there are those of us who would almost live for a child and have the hardest time having them.

  6. Wow, that is disturbing. What grade do you teach?

  7. WOW. I am soooo shocked. There's something so disturbing about these boys' learned behavior. It makes me worry in some cases about child abuse. I'll be thinking of you as you taper down your meds...hugs.

  8. So so sad. I hate that for those kiddos and you. Love you, Paige!

  9. How heart wrentching. It makes me very angry and so sad.

    On the medical front. I'm buckled in and here for the ride.

  10. How absolutely horrifying. I know that I often see a lot of disfunction in families being a nurse and sometimes it makes me crazy.

  11. At my human services job, we've seen 4 year olds with STD's, 10 year olds coming in asking for 'morning after pills' and other horrible things. I stay working in this field because I know that I am doing some good. Not nearly as much as I'd like, but more than would be done if I left.
    I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, but you already know that.