No school for me today. I was grateful to have a day to recover from my girl's weekend in the Windy City. However, the real reason I took a sick day was to have a confab with Dr. AA and his sidekick, Wanda the Dildocam. Everything is quiet on the uterinefront and the doctor spoke confidently of going forward. As an extra bonus, Wanda goosed Madame Red while she was poking around in there so the good lady would finally show herself. Jeez, it seems like I spend a lot of time waiting for her.
Dr. AA and I had a long talk about our embryo report. It is my understanding that I have 2 of "good" quality, 2 of "ok" quality and 2 "stragglers" that probably don't have a good chance. Those are my simplistic words to describe a lot of complicated numbers which I don't really understand. My idea had always been to transfer two at a time until there was a baby or they were gone. However, I got to thinking about my two stragglers. I don't know how many cycles I have left in me emotionally or financially and I CANNOT bear the idea of not giving those two little ones a chance just because I'm finally truly broken and can't go on. My idea was to transfer the two best ones and one of the stragglers this time and if needed all the rest next time.
Well, the good Doctor did not like me using that term "stragglers". I didn't mean anything negative by it. I love those two as much as the rest if not more. Always a soft place in my heart for those who are weaker or struggle.
He talked a long time and used many words to say we just don't know what will happen when any of them are thawed out and there is just as much chance of a baby in the stragglers as in the others. Ummm...I think that was my point. I don't want to (won't) leave them behind. He was very kind about it but said they don't really work by a plan that way. They thaw out two or three and watch them for a few hours and then keep thawing if they have to in order to get two or three to transfer.
Onward, we go. And onward we flow.
I talked it over with Reiki Lady who asked me what number I had in mind for transfer and agreed it would probably be three. I explained about my sweet little stragglers and she said that the third one would "show himself" to the doctor. He would know exactly which one. Again she talked with such confidence on my behalf. I look into her eyes and know she's telling me the truth.
She also said my energy about going forward was mostly positive, only 10 or so percent negative but the negative was a nagging negative. Every time I have a negative thought, I'm to quickly create three positive scenarios from the negative idea. They can even be funny or silly scenarios. I guess that's to help my left brain shut up a little.
Very few images this time, but I did see Mom and I in the hospital just as before. Only this time we were smiling great big smiles. With teeth showing and everything.
You had to know she would show up in the 365 Photograph Challenge sometime, didn't you?
Wanda The Dildocam
My BFF during IVF and FET.