Friday, March 4, 2011


The antidepressants are doing their work. I've been able to function so much better this week and have had a few tearless days. So that is good. I told RK, the counselor, and she seemed very pleased. She had me compare what it was like before the drug to now. I didn't realize how badly the depression was sucking me down or how much of a difference taking them would make. She was pleased with my overall progress especially in the area of food. I do feel, though, that the only reason I'm progressing is because of that next try is out there beckoning me. One thing she said does trouble me. Once again, I said I was scared that I would not survive another loss like this one. She said she was concerned about that too. Good Lord, I have to wonder how bad off I was and how bad off I still am underneath the drugs.

School stuff:
My principal has asked me to do some professional development on guided reading at my school. I'm a bit of a wreck about it. The left brain telling me I'm no good. Gawd, I wish it would SHUT UP. Also because I haven't done a traditional guided reading in a while and truthfully I usually throw some crap together halfassed for those lessons. I really need to get my act together for those kids. There's no reason except laziness that I don't.

A palm pilot that is used to administer reading tests disappeared from my classroom. (Yes, Yayas, this happened once before) I believe it must have been stolen. My bad since I left it out and then walked away from it to dismiss the kids and do bus duty by the time I got back to my room the afterschool class was in there with their teachers. I was really worked up to tell my principal but she couldn't have been nicer about it.

Latajhia: Why do you keep touching your necklace?
Me: Because it reminds me of my son.
Latajhia: Are you going to go to the hospital and get a new one?

Picture of the Day:



  1. Well, I'm glad that the medicine is helping you to deal with life. I wish you wouldn't worry about professional development- you are AWESOME at your job and you should know that. Maybe she has some extra money and thought that sending you might give you a break or something.
    Sorry about the palm pilot gone missing again- however, these things happen so try not to worry too much about it.
    Your picture looks great.

  2. I'm glad the medicine is helpful... and that you're looking to try again! You have shown incredible grace and strength ever since I started reading your blog. I'm happy to "know" you. And great photo!!

  3. The irony of this picture is beautiful. I love it.

    I wonder if its echoing your frustration with the past couple months. It seems like artists express their emotions in their art after all.

  4. So glad to hear that the medicine is helping. I just LOVE your photo - who would have thought that hammers and nails could look So good - I think its my favorite one that you have taken!

  5. Oh Paige, how wonderdful that the SSRI's are working. I am such a fan. Before I started on them I was so miserable and didn't realize.
    A word about the comment from your councillor. My shrink (who I adore) often says things and I think - holy crap women! I realised after many many years of shrinking that sometimes she is saying these things to make me super aware of my emotions, to manage my emotions, to make me aware of my emotional risks and be as prepared as possible.

    If you decide to go for it again, I promise to be here, every step of the way :-)

  6. Thanks for the update and yeah! for happy pills and few tearless days.
    The professional developement request may just be part of the larger school improvement plan. Choosing you may just be a logical decision on her part since you already have experience teaching reading.
    That sucks that the Palm Pilot is gone again.
    How cute and sweet is that little girl? I love the innocence.
    I also love this picture. Very eye catching! I like the caos of the screws anchored by the two solid hammers. The red background really sets it off.

  7. So glad the medication is working. You deserve tear-free days.
    I like the hammer pic- reminds me to get moving on my flooring project, its only half done and is kicking my ass.

  8. I am glad that the meds are helping. I can tell you what a big difference they can make. Cool pic! :-)

  9. I think the sense of humor in your pic of the day must be a good sign!
    love, inB

  10. Crazy how that stuff works, isnt it? Blows my mind.

    It doesnt make me happy, it just makes me normal. I can still be sad but I dont feel so hollow.

    Glad to see you here Paige. So glad.