I took the day off to get the girls off to school this morning and go to my tax appointment. Getting the girls up and ready this morning went amazingly smoothly. They both listened and did as they were told.
I dropped Dollface off at school and she wanted me to walk her in and meet her kindergarten teacher. She goes to kindergarten in my childhood school in my childhood kindergarten room. It felt odd and nostalgic to be there as an adult. I had the typical thought that everything looked so tiny.
This afternoon I packed them off to Mom and Dad's but will still be watching them afterschool until E and C come home on Thursday. We went to their house to check on the cat and dog and get in some trampoline time:
Did I mention that Madame Red showed up last week? Finally, after a week of progesterone and a week of waiting. And wowza, what a gusher she is. I was relieved to see her but sheesh...didn't want such an exciting reunion. I contacted the clinic because I was a little worried. They said to go on birth control pills which will slow and stop the flow as well as prepare me for trying again.
You read right....trying again.
Mom came over tonight to look at the backsplash tile that finally got delivered today. We were just sitting in the kitchen chatting and out of the blue, she says she's ready to look at Greyson's pictures. She cried and cried. Eventually she said she was glad I was going to be able to try again and that she was fully behind me.
I know it will be hellish if I lose another child, but it would be impossible to survive knowing I couldn't try again because I was too afraid.
I heard something yesterday that reminded me that if one great, awesome thing can happen in my life then another great, awesome thing can happen. Ok...it was a TV preacher talking about how God can do anything and if you were healthy before, He can make you healthy again, etc, etc. I do not like TV preachers and do not watch them but as I was flipping channels some small phrase he said caught my ear and I stopped to hear more.
Just hearing what he said...I don't know how to explain it. Instantly something seemed to mend inside me and the attitude of my heart and mind changed. This might be a temporary upswing as I've had in the past, but it's here now and I'm doing what I can with it.
Greyson is helping me move foreward.
He's going to send me his little sister.
It's all going to be ok.
I'm going to sign up for a June cycle.