Monday, April 12, 2010

Daydream Believer

Probably no surprise to anyone that I have a very active imagination and a vivid fantasy life. I've been having extremely real baby daydreams for the past few days. I'm holding my baby, in that way mothers do, with the sweet smelling and oh so soft head against my cheek or under my chin. These thoughts are so very real. I feel like I could reach out and touch the baby. Also, daydreams of the actual birth, not the pain or fear or anything like that. Just that miraculous moment when the baby comes and everyone in the room makes that sound. You know that joyful happy sort of gasp/cheer/laugh. I imagine it must be the happiest moment in one's life. I'm only going by what I've seen on T.V. for this one, of course.

These are different from my usual "hey is that (insert name of celebrity) at my local grocery store", my "hot romance" daydreams, or my "Teacher of the Year" daydreams or even my "Oh, I'm so thin, healthy and hot" daydreams. My daily daydreams that are always lurking in a corner of my mind to entertain me should whatever I'm doing gets dull. Something about these baby daydreams makes me feel a little not right in the brain. These baby thoughts seem so real. So very real.

I'm wary of wanting something so very badly. Seems like dreams you want so badly with all your heart like this never come true. The only other thing I remember wanting so badly many years ago and envisioning like this was dancing at my own wedding. I've never been married. Not saying I won't someday dance at my own wedding but it seems rather dangerous to build these castles in the air. And then keep revisiting them. Over. And over.

I just read over this and realize I sound certifiably crackers. I'm not really a person with my head in the air but I do have strange thoughts all the time. Lord help me, I haven't even started taking the serious drugs yet.

7 comments:

  1. You're not crazy but if you are- I am too!

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  2. I just found your blog and love it---it's very genuine and from the heart.
    As you start your next cycle, many happy, positive baby thoughts to you! I will definitely be following along.

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  3. Let the mad daydreams begin! Just wait til you start lupron. Blech! But it is very exciting, this daydream is something you can actually do something about, and you are going for it! Good luck!

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  4. I get it. Been there, done that and all of the above. I spent so many years day dreaming about my husband to be and casting so many different guys in the starring role that it was a never ending thing and I've spent plenty of time worrying that I screwed it up somehow. I also have done many of the baby day dreams. Hoping that yours comes true soon.

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  5. If you're crackers then pass me some Ritz 'cause I have loved reading your posts!!

    I am a firm believer in positive visualization...I mean, it can't hurt!! Stick with the daydreams!!

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  6. I understand your fear that dreaming about things you want so badly will cause them not to come, but I agree with Me Plus One about the positive thoughts! You are not jinxing yourself with these daydreams!
    ~hugs~

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