Probably no surprise to anyone that I have a very active imagination and a vivid fantasy life. I've been having extremely real baby daydreams for the past few days. I'm holding my baby, in that way mothers do, with the sweet smelling and oh so soft head against my cheek or under my chin. These thoughts are so very real. I feel like I could reach out and touch the baby. Also, daydreams of the actual birth, not the pain or fear or anything like that. Just that miraculous moment when the baby comes and everyone in the room makes that sound. You know that joyful happy sort of gasp/cheer/laugh. I imagine it must be the happiest moment in one's life. I'm only going by what I've seen on T.V. for this one, of course.
These are different from my usual "hey is that (insert name of celebrity) at my local grocery store", my "hot romance" daydreams, or my "Teacher of the Year" daydreams or even my "Oh, I'm so thin, healthy and hot" daydreams. My daily daydreams that are always lurking in a corner of my mind to entertain me should whatever I'm doing gets dull. Something about these baby daydreams makes me feel a little not right in the brain. These baby thoughts seem so real. So very real.
I'm wary of wanting something so very badly. Seems like dreams you want so badly with all your heart like this never come true. The only other thing I remember wanting so badly many years ago and envisioning like this was dancing at my own wedding. I've never been married. Not saying I won't someday dance at my own wedding but it seems rather dangerous to build these castles in the air. And then keep revisiting them. Over. And over.
I just read over this and realize I sound certifiably crackers. I'm not really a person with my head in the air but I do have strange thoughts all the time. Lord help me, I haven't even started taking the serious drugs yet.