I'm disturbed by a few things I've heard DollFace say recently about me being fat. I've talked to her about how it hurts my feelings but she just can't seem to help herself. At one point she said her mom had yelled at Stretch about being fat and that her mom said Stretch could die, and that Stretch had cried. This is really upsetting to me. Stretch is not even close to being fat or even chubby, she's a beautiful child of normal weight. C. has admitted to me in the past that she talks to Stretch about her weight and tells her she doesn't want Stretch to end up with a "problem" like mine. I'm incredibly hurt by all of this. Keep in mind, C is about 30 pounds overweight herself and I have NEVER seen her attempt to do anything active with either of the girls.
I'm wondering if this is the root of the reason Stretch doesn't seem to enjoy spending time with me lately. I'm huge, I get it, you don't want your kids to be like me, and God knows I wouldn't wish this kind of obesity on my worst enemy. But I don't think it's right to push these kind of body issues on a child or to create a stigma (unintentional?) around the unmarried, childless, obese aunt.
I saw my full length reflection in a mirror at the store today and what little self esteem I have was crushed. I really need to figure out my emotional eating problem and conquer it. I feel ugly and out of control.
Fourth day off birth control and no period. Probably why I feel so icky about the above issues. Why can't my body just do what it is supposed to do?