So yesterday was a crappy, sad, bad day. Snowcalypse Snow Day #2. I hardly moved from the TV watching chair and allowed myself to drop so far down, it was hard to see a way out. It wasn't even worthy of writing about here. There was no way of release. It was just another crappy, sad, bad day.
Then, I posted on FB that I needed some gold light. Just as a lark...I meant Reiki gold light of healing but I knew most people would think I meant sunlight and I would love some of that kind of gold light as well.
Jae was one of the responders, "I invite you to envision it and I will help ya out a little.....I did talk to my folks in New Orleans....sound good.... ???" About fifteen minutes later, I had a feeling of lightening. I wish I had better words to describe it. The ball of awfulness that tightens my chest up, fluttered away and I felt better...lighter.
I texted Jae, telling her what had happened and asking if that was her making me feel better. She responded that it was a little her, a little me and a little her Reiki master friends in Louisiana who she'd told about me. Can healing energy fly across miles like that? This is mystic, miraculous stuff...a little trippy and crazy but it doesn't matter.
This morning I woke at 5:30 wondering why I made it through the night and feeling that same sad, bad ball starting to form in my chest. Not long after, I felt that lightening again and I suddenly had a .... vision? thought? daydream? I can't say dream because I was awake.
It was my baby's first birthday. Complete with a beautiful baby in the highchair putting hands in a cake and everyone laughing. I lifted that baby out of the chair knowing it was beautiful and alive and mine. I don't think the baby was Greyson because it seems like I would know, without doubt, if it was him. I knew the baby was mine but I didn't really recognize it from my third person viewpoint if that makes any sense.
It was so real.
I could describe exactly what the baby looked like and what it was wearing. I could tell you every detail about the high chair and cake.
Was it Jae or her friends working their Reiki on me from miles away?
Was it Greyson trying to speak to me?
Was it baby number 2 trying to find me?
Was it simply my first daydream since losing Sweet Pea?
Was it just my stupid brain on overdrive?