Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Today I had to do something no human being should have to do. I ordered a gravestone for my son, Greyson. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. It felt wrong deep in the cells of my heart, soul and body.

But how do I explain that it ended up being a comical but sad situation. I went to the Funeral Man's home and met with him and his wife. This older couple are local small town people and were good friends of my grandparents. I knew right away something was off. It was obvious they had gussied up for my visit. The wife had heavy clownish old lady make up on and what looked like a wig. When it came time to fill out the forms the Funeral Man had his wife do the writing but she kept making mistakes and having to cross things out. She would get a little flustered but Funeral Man kept gently correcting her and insisting that she keep going with it. I thought maybe she was hard of hearing. There ended up being quite a few cross outs and I won't be surprised if the stone says, "Gary son of Peggy" or something instead of Greyson P. Son of Paige.

Greyson P son of Paige --what heartrending words to have to write on a cold stone.


It will NEVER feel right to see those words on a stone above my sweet baby boy.


As I was leaving FM stepped outside with me and explained his wife suffered from Alzheimer's and he tried to involve her in this kind of thing to help with the dementia. I could see then the kindness of this gentle man and I knew the words on the stone marking the grave of my son would be correct and if they weren't he would make it right.

Neither Dr. AA, who I emailed about trying again nor Dr. H, who's office I called for a referral to a fetal-maternal specialist, have returned my contacts. I'm trying not to read that as a bad sign or some sort of stupid omen that things won't go smooth or that I shouldn't go forward. Which is just a stupid thought from my stupid overdrive brain. It's just the randomness of the world. Right?

Picture of the Day:

It hurts my eyes a little but I like it.


  1. How loving that FM includes her and is so patient. I'm sure the headstone will be right, even though it does seem very wrong that you have to do this kind of loving act for Greyson. Perhaps try think of it this way, for many many years to come, people who see it will know that a precious baby boy came to earth. With this rememberance, he will be honored and his name will live on. It may never feel right, but it is the right thing to do for him. That had to be incredibly hard, but I'm glad you did it.

    ps- The picture is an eyegrabber and can mean so many things! I like the slight tilt on it. I hope it means that you are a powerful woman with some high voltage gold light on the inside and anything or anyone that tries to mess with that better stand back!

  2. I'm sorry that it was a hard day, but I am glad that you ordered Greyson's marker. It's a good next step. Thinking of you.

  3. That had to be a hard thing to do, but I agree with Mendy that in the future his name will still be there for people to see that he existed and was loved.

  4. Lovely words and a sweet story. Don't take others actions (or lack thereof) as a sign of anything! If people who have suffered tragedies in life looked at all of the possible signs they would never persevere.

  5. It is all wrong, but I did like the story of the older couple, so sweet. Was that sign posted outside the funeral home?! LOL Nice shot.

  6. What a sad and touching story about the funeral man and his wife. Love is such a powerful thing, and your gravestone for Greyson is another example. I'm glad you were able to do it even though it is unnatural and wrong.

    Don't give another thought to the as-yet un-returned phone calls. THERE IS NO SIGN THERE AT ALL JUST YOUR OWN SUPERSTITION THAT IS NOT BASED IN REALITY!!! You can really freak yourself out if you let your head go there, so try really really hard not to.

  7. Definitely NOT a sign. Just disorganized, fallible people. Follow your heart.

    It's yes, completely, totally wrong that you are ordering a headstone for your precious son.

    But I am glad for you that you feel ready to be taking steps.

    Rooting for you through every one of them.

  8. Lovely that you have such a gorgeous old couple organising your gravestone. I agree that we should never have to do something like this... but I now find great peace having somewhere to visit and sit with Gabrielle. Thinking of you xo

  9. I love that the man is so caring that he wants to involve his wife, true love. Even in this horribly wrong situation, it is good to have that kind of love around. I'd say that is your good omen, and don't worry yet about the clinic. Is Dr AA good with email? My doc iis TERRIBLE, if I sent an email I'd probably wait MONTHS to hear from him - but calling gets results there. Best of luck;

  10. Not a day you should have had to endure...but sounds as though you handled it as best you could.