It's already 8pm here in the Midwest. Happy Daylight Savings Time! I'm looking forward to longer days and milder breezes. A dreary, singleton Sunday for me. I think Sundays are the hardest day of the week for single people. They seem designed for families and family activities. I spent the day baking for my school family and my real family, laundry...all the single girl Sunday chores. What will Sundays be like with Baby?
I'm fiercely independent and DO NOT think that anything is REALLY missing from my life (except Baby) and all that blah bidiblahblah but once in a while on a misty, stormy Sunday, I find myself really missing having a man around. Today would have been the perfect day to cuddle up with someone, say, Gerard Butler, and laze around watching movies all day.
I cuddled up with my kitty and it was pleasant but it would have been nice to have a big, strong shoulder to cuddle up to. I must confess that I crave having a whiff of aftershave around the house. I miss having that hardness, in contrast to my softness, yin to yang. I miss feeling a stubbly cheek against mine and hearing a deep voice in the house. I miss waking up and knowing someone is there to spend the day with, plans or no plans. And sex, Lord, do I miss sex. Sometimes I even miss complaining to my girlfriends about this or that dumb thing he did like asking where the mustard is when it's clearly right in front of him. Not to mention it would be nice to get a sperm donation for free.
And I really miss the daydream of the possibility of an opps baby made with real sex that came about as an expression of love between two people. Ah, through writing this comes the underlying yearning. I didn't even know that was swirling around up there in my head until I wrote it. Dammit, I was not going to cry on this gray, lonely day.
Sniffle, nope, it's ok...I have it under control.
I believe with all my heart that on my own, I am enough. Heck, MORE than enough. Enough heart give enough love, enough of a provider, enough of an emotional supporter, enough brains to find good role models. Enough of anything my child might need and more. If I didn't thoroughly believe this I would not be trying to get pregnant. Do you hear that, Baby, it's ok for you to find me because I am ready and I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH!