Thursday, March 4, 2010

Back to Tracking

I've been binging completely out of control for the last week or so. AND not exercising. I lost 60 pounds last year and I have no idea how much I've gained back. I DO know that I'm physically feeling the weight gain. NO energy, hard to catch my breath when I go upstairs or even walk briskly, lethargy, this weird feeling that my blood pressure is rising.

I have such strong desire to be the healthiest me possible for myself and also in case a miracle happens and I get pregnant but I can't seem to make my body do what my brain and soul wants it to. Every night I think, "This is it, this is the last time I will eat out of control" but the next day rolls around and by noon or even earlier I've blown it and am off to the races eating way too much of everything bad.

I had gone completely rogue and given up any form of weight loss that involved numbers and that felt good and worked for a while. God knows I've measured and weighed my food long enough that I've become pretty talented at eye-balling a portion. However, when I'm not tracking my food, it's too easy for an extra this or that to creep in. Chips with this meal, chocolate after that meal, take out for supper, ice cream on the way home...won't hurt, not like I do it all the time. I guess the pressure of the life-changing decisions got to me and once I started, I just kept adding this and that and eating more day after day. The big decision is made now so it's time to get back to thinking about my health and how to better control my food.

It takes a behemoth amount of time and effort to plan all those meals, figure out the nutritional info and track them. Not to mention the mental and emotional exhaustion from working on one's self-worth, self-image and FEELING those emotions rather than stifle them with food.

.... but I've got to go back to it. I've GOT to.


  1. You know what you respond to best so don't feel presured into anything that doesn't work! I've done just about everything and right now weight watchers is working well for me but it's just been 2.5 weeks so it's really too soon to tell. I know how frustrating weight loss is, but just from reading your posts I know that you're strong enough to do anything you want!!!

  2. I was wondering if you'd done WW - I tried a couple of times but I think you have to have a good leader/meeting group - and the time I could go was really not a group I clicked with. Ah well! I need to lose weight too, hopefully we can lose weight and get preggers at the same time!

    Good luck -

  3. You've got to, and I believe in you - you can and will!

  4. Good luck. I hear you. I've been doing not so great lately too and it's so frustrating. Before Christmas I was doing really good and then I had a couple not so good days which became weeks and then months.
    Hang in there.