Sunday, July 4, 2010

Conversation With Dad

Dad and I were talking about medicine. He was saying it's such a blessing if you're healthy and don't have to take any medication. I made a remark about all the junk I'll be dumping into my body really soon to prepare for the embryo transfer. Dad said, "Now, listen, I don't want you to get down in the mouth if that doesn't happen." Later in the conversation when I mentioned that the doctor said I had a 75% chance of being successful. He said he thought that number was very optimistic and the chances probably weren't that good.

Ummm "down in the mouth"?? I'll be devestated maybe destroyed, if this is not successful. It is extremely unlike my father to be less than 110% optimistic about any situation. He's usually the Pollyanna Papa.

I understand my dad is very old school and it must be high on the ick factor to think about or discuss the method by which one's daughter may become pregnant. He never asks questions or expresses curiosity. He hasn't said much at all about my situation either in encouragement or concern or anything at all. Does he think it's a mistake? Or that I can't handle it? Not that what he or anyone thinks will affect my going forward, I'm way past that point now.

I spoke to E about it and he told me that this was probably as much of a pep talk as I'll get from Dad. He mentioned how stoic our father is and sometimes hard to figure out.

I know he supports me in anything I do, he always has. I'm guessing this awkward conversation was the best he could do in expressing concern for me.


  1. Maybe your Dad has less faith in medical science that you do, and so it all just seems too "miraculous" to him? It is really weird that we can make babies in a lab.

    I think it is awesome that you are so open with your family about all of this. My parents know NOTHING about my IF struggles or the strategies I've employed to overcome it. You are incredibly lucky to have such a strong family base, and your Dad clearly loves you oodles and oodles. I say give him a big hug and interpret it all as concern and love for you!

    I'd be really interested to hear the story of how you started the conversation with your parents, if you ever feel like writing about it.

    love, inB

  2. You know, I was just thinking the other day about my dad's reaction to my decision to get pregnant via anonymous donor. He was embarassed and asked me 'what he's supposed to tell people?' I told him he could tell people whatever he wants, and that I am not ashamed of my choice, even if he is.
    When my plan became a reality, and I actually got that BFP, my dad never once mentioned the fact that I was pregnant. I was hugely, 3rd trimester-ly pregnant, and he never once acknowledged that.
    He didn't ever acknowledge that I was pregnant, but he definitely loves Mr. Farty. And as far as 'what to tell people,' I think that by being open about my decision, I saved him the trouble of ever having to explain it, everyone already knew.
    Dads are weird people.

  3. Probably very true. I know the conversation with my dad would have been awkward at best.

  4. Maybe he just doesn't want to see his little girl sad if she doesn't get to do something/become something she wants so badly. He doesn't want to see you hurt and is trying to protect you in the dad way. That's my guess anywhoo.
    Although I haven't made it to the ttc point, where my mom wants to know the ins and outs of what will happen when I do start, my dad doesn't ask. But then again he never talked to my sister about how she conceived her two girls with my bro-in-law (but then again neither does my mom ;) ) But I know once my little ones do eventually make it here he will be so involved in their lives, he already loves spending any time he can with my nieces.
    So maybe some dads don't actually want to know about how their grandkids will come into their lives, don't want to see their little girls get hurt, but then love their grandkids once they make it into the world and are content that their little girls have what they've always wanted.
    Sure that was really long winded and not sure if it's what you were even looking for, but there it is ;)

  5. I agree with FruitFish, I bet your Dad doesn't want to see you get hurt.