So I'm reading along in the book I got to educate myself about getting pregnant by egg donation and there's a section about who chooses egg donation. There is a very short, and I mean VERY short section about single women. It seems that the authors of this book believe that it would be unfair "for a child to be the product of two anonymous donations". What the fucking hell? I don't get mad very often but I became furious when I read that. Why does me being single make it unfair? Don't I have as much right to become a parent as anyone else out there? Is it my fault that my life turned out childless at the age of 38? Shall we talk about the children of poverty I work with everyday, who have drug addicts and felons for parents? Is THAT fair to the child? I am really regretting buying this book and handing my money over to these two closed minded fools. It's going in the trash. I am more determined than ever to bring a child into my life. I would be a fabulous mom with my own egg or someone else's. In your face, stupid authors.
Dad invited me over for Sunday dinner. He made sauerbraten, Mom made all the sides. Yummy. I was able to broach the subject of a donor egg with my dad. I was a little worried since he is very conservative. He said he "didn't see anything wrong with it" and it was sensible not to use my own "weak" eggs to avoid a "Mongoloid baby" or other birth defect. Dad is a little old fashioned about some things. I'm very grateful he's being supportive.
Glad your father was supportive!
ReplyDeleteAs for the book - didn't quite understand. Did the authors actually say that it's not fair for a child to be a product of two anonymous donations? [and if so, not sure where exactly the singleness comes in as there are also unfortunate couples who suffer from infertility on both sides and need to use both an egg and a sperm donation), or is the shortness of this section that brought you to this conclusion?
Anyway, if this book is giving you a hard time, maybe it is a good idea to toss it. I'm sure there are enough resources (books, web sites, etc) for you to gain knowledge on the subject.
The authors said "Let's assume that it would not be fair for a child of a single mother to be a product of two anonymous donations" and that a single woman with no eggs should at least have a known donor. Then they told a story about a woman who had lost her husband to cancer but was able to have his child with a donor egg and his frozen sperm. I thought it was very closed minded. I guess I'll have to deal with the idea that some people will judge me for doing this.
ReplyDeleteHey, thanks very much for reading my blog and commenting. It makes me feel less alone!
Ooh, sorry for doubting.
ReplyDeleteThat is so judgmental! And I really don't get the difference between a couple doing a two-way anonymous donation and a single woman. More so, doesn't she think we are aware of our actions? Does she really think we go into it light hearted? I can tell you (well actually her! that even with just one side anon, I still have a bad time with denying my child with any knowledge of her father. But that was a decision I made. It is not up to her or to anyone to tell you or me otherwise.
And yes, these children might not know their genetic origin, but they will be ever so loved and cared for, and I do believe that these are issues that can and should be dealt with and overcome. Choosing anonymous donors doesn't mean burying the head in the ground.
Sad that there are still people living in some kind of dark cave.
And you are NOT ALONE! Me and other readers are with you on this journey. If it helps I can give you names of two more bloggers like you (SMCs who need both sperm and egg donation. You were already rerefed to Dora) But I'd rather do that by mail and not here [I am greentamsha at yahoo dot co dot uk].