Sunday, February 28, 2010

News Flash: Donor Decision Made


I've picked a donor and I'm going to book the April cycle! I am very excited to have some ginormous decisions made and be moving forward. I have come full circle by choosing a donor I had first considered weeks ago. My donor is a smart, healthy and funny young lady who has big dreams and she looks enough like me that I think she won't stick out in an obvious way. She is the "stubborn" one I mentioned earlier. I am very grateful and humbled to be able to invite these genes into my family.

There are two things I'm worried about. Of course, what would a single step of this journey be without at least a little worry? This donor has A negative blood, I'm O positive. Every article I've read says it really doesn't matter but mostly those are about fetuses with differing blood types not about a body accepting and implanting an opposite blood typed embryo. Seems like my body would be more likely to reject a seed that doesn't have similar blood type. The second thing is that is that she is young. 24 I'm worried that she won't be responsible with medication or will back out. I feel that even considering the daunting and miraculous undertaking of becoming a donor indicates maturity but she's very young. I should look for the best I know....but I can't help but worry a little.

When Dr. 2's nurse told me that they are affiliated with a religious hospital and he doesn't work with single patients, I sort of went through a few minutes of grief and anger. All the emotions of being told I couldn't conceive my own genetic children came rushing back and the unfairness of this whole long, grueling journey. I asked the nurse if they could recommend anyone else who would work with me on a second opinion. Well, the first name out of her mouth was someone who Dr. Hottie had steered me away from, too cutting edge and out for the fame, does some stuff that may be very risky, he said. I made an appointment with the second name she gave me but it isn't for months.

And so my decision to go ahead was made. I cannot wait the months and months for the second opinion. I simply can't. The time is now. I want to start my family. My womb has been empty far too long and is craving fullness. My heart is crying out for a child to love. I was made to be a mother and I can't wait any longer.

If I had any lingering little doubt about using donor DNA, it was quashed by this article. So much of it resonated with me, except the husband part of course. lol

Especially the last paragraph:

"When a friend said to me recently, "I'm sure your boys will be tall, like you are!" I nodded before remembering, and reminding her, that genetically, my children aren't related to me. I had to laugh. When you're busy playing hide-and-seek and reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar and scraping peas off the floor, the last thing you think about is your babies' DNA."

I'm going to have a wonderful, amazing, unbelievable family. It doesn't really matter how we came to be together.

In other news, as I was driving to work on Friday a silly teenager with frosted over windows did not see me and t-boned right into the side of my car. Thank God, we were both going pretty slow, I was able to avoid ramming into a third car and no one was hurt. My car was hurt though. Smashed in front quarter panel and it looked like the wheel was bent in. She was insured and I've got a nice rental. Mostly it's a huge hassle.

In other, other news. I went to a friend's 50th birthday party last night. Some of my retired friends were there and they were all swapping stories about hot flashes. And THEN, one of them turned to me and said "You're still in your 40's, aren't you? You don't have to worry about this stuff for a while." Ummmm I'M ONLY 38! Do you hear me? 38! I used to be told that I looked younger than my age and I never really worried about getting older. Now that I'm facing "advanced maternal age", I think about it a lot. Thank you, Infertility.

In still other news, C. has a screw up little sister, A. I hate to say that about her but she really is messed up. She does drugs, steals (she once stole C.'s wedding ring) and cannot hold down a job for more than a few months at a time. Anyway, apparently A. has this bartender friend who just found out she is pregnant. She's 22 and already has a 3 year old she's struggling to take care of. Previously, C. had told some of my story to A, trying to put feelers out for anyone A. might know who would want to be an egg donor. Can you see where this is going?

Well I guess when this friend was hysterical and crying on A.'s shoulder for hours about how is she going to take care of this new baby, she's barely making it already etc. A. mentioned me and kind of talked me up as a potential adoptive mom. I'm genuinely surprised and touched that A. thought of me. Apparently, this girl was only able to calm down after hearing about me.

Now, my instinct is that this is not going to happen. This girl somehow made it work when she was 19 and having a baby, she'll realize she can somehow make it now too. She's just panicking right now.

I would have some serious thinking to do too. You hear those stories about birth mothers taking the children away from the adoptive mothers. I know I would have to do some major research and seriously button up everything legally. Thankfully, S.'s dad is a judge and I know he would help me. I don't think I could survive the broken heart if she changed her mind and took the little one back.

She told A. she would only be interested in open adoption and I'm not sure how much drama that could be inviting into a child's life. Not to mention mega abandonment issues for the baby considering she kept the first child. Also, she's a bartender and A.'s friend. What has she been drinking and doing while she's pregnant? She doesn't know who the father is, it could be one of a series of men.

Ohhhh, the unfairness of it all!!!!! It doesn't seem right that this gal gets pregnant so easily and here I am wanting it with every breath of my being, working at it full time and I can't. In the stoic words of my father, "That is not something we can control".


  1. yay for choosing a donor! it's a big decision. I don't get doctors who won't work with single women - many married women do it basically alone, but the doctor has no clue. It's all about your support network. we looked at adoption too and for us it came down to not being able to face the heartache of losing a child.

  2. I know it's different because I so badly want a child for myself, but I am 24 and think that I completely understand and am willing to do everything it takes in the line for fertility. I'm sure if she's gone through the trouble of getting started she will carry through and YOUR little eggie will be ready and healthy for you! I am SO excited for you and can't wait for this to all happen!

  3. Congrats on choosing a donor! FWIW, I was a donor to a close friend and my blood type and her husband's blood type did not match hers. She had no problem carrying twins and they are now healthy, happy 8 y/o boys!

  4. Completely unfair!
    As for the blood type, I don't think you should fear. Any IVF (whether using donor gamete/s or not) is implanting a foreign object into the uterus. And BTW, the fetus may not necessarily be an A- [here's a blood type calculator - ]. Can tell you that when I sat and chose my donor (sperm, but I don't think it makes a difference), as there is minimal information here, I decided to try going by blood type. My concern was that I know almost nothing about this person, at least my child will have the same blood type as me (wasn't thinking of pregnancy, more if a medical condition arises later in life). I am A+ and so is the donor, but turns out my child can be A+ A- O+ O- ...

    And I agree with proceeding and not waiting for that second opinion. One thing is waiting a little over a month, but now with this new dr having to wait several months. urg! I just hope it will be irrelevant by the time of the appointment!

  5. So glad you've found a donor. I hope it works out but really having someone in their 20's to me always seems better, better quality eggs. I don't think I'd be waiting around for the second opinion either.
    Good luck, I hope it all goes awesomely.