Fertility Tornado

There was a lot of crying and "why me" thoughts last night. Thank you, my blogging family, for your kind comments, you all help me to be stronger.

I had taken today off for a lining check that I no longer needed so I spent a mournful morning putting away the Lupron and sending out a few tentative emails about moving forward. Suddenly wheels were in motion and I was fielding a flurry of emails.

From Dad:
"Sorry to hear this Paige. Maybe the future will be more successful.
Sincerely,
Dad"

From Mom:
"I'm so very sorry to hear this. Dad didn't tell me about your email until he was going to bed or I would've called. What are you going to do? If you pick another donor, will you just stay with your Rx schedule or start all over. Please don't give up. Maybe she just wasn't the match for you - better to find out now. Start all over & keep good, positive thoughts. Let me know. If I can do or say anything to help, call anytime."

From the clinic coordinator:
"Hi Paige
We should have your estradiol level from yesterday when I get to the office today I would think. I can try and get back with you when I see your result. I’m sure your Estradiol level was fine though."

From Dr. A:
"In brief the follicle development was unexpectedly poor, I do not understand why. They are there, but small without prospect of growth. Too dicey to go on I believe as very few oocytes would be retrieved and risk of failure very high versus expectations.

We should go over it however with discussion soon.

I know that this is very disappointing but it is best course of action with these events.

I am sorry to have had to make this call, but it is in long run your best interest.
Best regards"

The first of many from Donor Agency Lady:
"Paige:
I am so sorry to hear about your cycle. I can only imagine how devastated you must be given the turn of events. Do you know what month you want to cycle in?

I will go ahead and contact both of these gals and we will check with the clinic to see when the earliest cycle we can make it into and I will get back to you.

Are you doing ok?

Oh, and in terms of the funds on account, those will all roll forward to the next donor, you have no additional expenses with us, and I will let you know the amount to be replenished for the partial compensation of the first donor.

Hang in there my dear….
Sincerely and with Best Regards,"

and the last from Donor Agency Lady:
"Paige:
I have great news, your first choice is available for July. She cycled with them previously, so they are familiar with her-which is a great thing.

Just let me know and I will follow up with the clinic."

I feel like I've been swept away by a lightening fast fertility tornado. I've spent a great deal of the day checking email and staring into space trying to process everything. I'm pleased at how everything seemed to fall in to place so easily and quickly, like it was really meant to be. Everything I was worried about, from finances to donor availability and booking a cycle worked out perfectly.

This new donor was actually my very first choice months ago but I had to move to a second choice because another client had spoken for her first. My first donor has been taken off the donor registry permanently. I hope she isn't experiencing too much emotional fall out. I still feel a special attachment to her and wish there was a way I could let her know that I wish her all the best.

I'm relieved to have this all in place for July, it all came about so suddenly, I'm emotionally exhausted.