Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Fertility Tornado

There was a lot of crying and "why me" thoughts last night. Thank you, my blogging family, for your kind comments, you all help me to be stronger.

I had taken today off for a lining check that I no longer needed so I spent a mournful morning putting away the Lupron and sending out a few tentative emails about moving forward. Suddenly wheels were in motion and I was fielding a flurry of emails.

From Dad:
"Sorry to hear this Paige. Maybe the future will be more successful.

From Mom:
"I'm so very sorry to hear this. Dad didn't tell me about your email until he was going to bed or I would've called. What are you going to do? If you pick another donor, will you just stay with your Rx schedule or start all over. Please don't give up. Maybe she just wasn't the match for you - better to find out now. Start all over & keep good, positive thoughts. Let me know. If I can do or say anything to help, call anytime."

From the clinic coordinator:
"Hi Paige
We should have your estradiol level from yesterday when I get to the office today I would think. I can try and get back with you when I see your result. I’m sure your Estradiol level was fine though."

From Dr. A:
"In brief the follicle development was unexpectedly poor, I do not understand why. They are there, but small without prospect of growth. Too dicey to go on I believe as very few oocytes would be retrieved and risk of failure very high versus expectations.

We should go over it however with discussion soon.

I know that this is very disappointing but it is best course of action with these events.

I am sorry to have had to make this call, but it is in long run your best interest.
Best regards"

The first of many from Donor Agency Lady:
I am so sorry to hear about your cycle. I can only imagine how devastated you must be given the turn of events. Do you know what month you want to cycle in?

I will go ahead and contact both of these gals and we will check with the clinic to see when the earliest cycle we can make it into and I will get back to you.

Are you doing ok?

Oh, and in terms of the funds on account, those will all roll forward to the next donor, you have no additional expenses with us, and I will let you know the amount to be replenished for the partial compensation of the first donor.

Hang in there my dear….
Sincerely and with Best Regards,"

and the last from Donor Agency Lady:
I have great news, your first choice is available for July. She cycled with them previously, so they are familiar with her-which is a great thing.

Just let me know and I will follow up with the clinic."

I feel like I've been swept away by a lightening fast fertility tornado. I've spent a great deal of the day checking email and staring into space trying to process everything. I'm pleased at how everything seemed to fall in to place so easily and quickly, like it was really meant to be. Everything I was worried about, from finances to donor availability and booking a cycle worked out perfectly.

This new donor was actually my very first choice months ago but I had to move to a second choice because another client had spoken for her first. My first donor has been taken off the donor registry permanently. I hope she isn't experiencing too much emotional fall out. I still feel a special attachment to her and wish there was a way I could let her know that I wish her all the best.

I'm relieved to have this all in place for July, it all came about so suddenly, I'm emotionally exhausted.


  1. Holy roller coaster ride! I can not even image the highs and lows you have gone through the past 24 hours. Thankfully, you're ending the day on a high.

    And Paige, I'm so beyond happy for you that your first choice is available in July. When things fall into place like that, I agree, it's meant to be.

    And yes, it looks like we'll be cycling together! We're going to be so Zen by July-it's not even funny.

  2. Glad it looks like things are all going to pick up and move on although I don't envy the emotional upheaval that has come with the last couple of days. Hang in there and hugs to you.

  3. These are so sweet they almost made me cry (oh lord watch out - I'm starting clomid tonight too!).
    This just feels like the universe coming together for you. I hope you feel that too!

  4. Sounds as though things truly falling into place for you...keep strong, the best is yet to come!

  5. Ok that was a definate worldwind!!! But I am so thrilled that everything is coming back together so nicely!!!! If you believe in destiny or fate, then this was just part of the journey and we don't always get why things happen, but perhaps God had a "better" plan for you my friend!!!

    Hang in there, you are doing great!

  6. I swear I already posted this but it disappeared...

    I am so sorry this is happening and it breaks my heart. I am glad though that your dr called it when he did and spared you the heartache of an egg not taking.

    I have so much faith that this is going to happen and you will be a mom sooner rather than later.

  7. I'm so sorry this happened to you! There is a plan out there for you and it's better to stop at this point than wait and see what happens with her. They are watching out for you! You might find this next cycle is less stressful because you've already gone part of the way. July will be here before you know it. I'm with you on feeling bad for her. Here she thought she was doing something nice for someone else and she finds out her eggs suck. oh boy. I hope they are giving her some good counseling.

  8. I am happy to hear that things are working out and that you now have the first choice donor you wanted.
    Here's for a great July cycle!