Crazy ups and downs. Coming off these drugs is a bitch! I feel so in-between and confused. I should be ecstatic and relieved that I was able to move on quickly but I'm not quite there yet. I am at times angry and depressed that my cycle was canceled, while feeling relief that I didn't go forward only to experience even greater heartbreak. I should be excited and looking forward to July but I can't see past what seems like a very long wait for something that should be happening NOW. I think my new donor is a perfect match for me but can't seem to drum up the affectionate, protective thoughts I was having for my first donor. I really am happy for all my bloggy friends who are experiencing their pregnancies or actual babies, but I tear up as I read about their joy.
And my boobs hurt.
And I'm horny as hell.
At lunch, I had to leave the lounge abruptly when the "birthing round table" opened up, as it does sometimes when groups of women are together. Every one has to tell their birthing story or their friend's...it seems to go on and on. I try not to be resentful, I know if I had a story I would be right in there sharing too. Today I just had to very quickly get out of there before I lost it.
One of my students, Justin, is a first grader who has been struggling and struggling all year to learn to read. Today he read a level 6 book. A level 6! I was so excited I took him all over the school and made him read it to everyone including the school secretary. A moment to help me remember that eventually the struggle is worth it.