Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It's Sinking In

I think it's sinking in. I'm pregnant. It's only sinking in a little though. Inside my head it still looks like this: OMG! I'M PREGNANT!!

This morning on the way to work I burst into tears of joy for a few minutes thinking about the miracle of the life growing within me. Miracle? life within me? Hello? Was that me thinking that and crying over it. I've never pictured myself as the syrupy, emotional, mothery pregnant type but here I am. Temporarily, I think, but none the less, I'm completely in awe of what has happened to me.

My body is holding, protecting and nurturing life. MY body, MY baby. My baby has finally found me!

Yes, I just choked up as I wrote that.

What a happy change of pace....tears of JOY!

Feel free to laugh because now I'm laughing at myself and you'll be laughing with me.

I thought by now I would be past the extreme worry and I'm glad to say it has lessened a bit. The clinic is always so frustratingly vague. I asked if I could go off restricted activity, a little anyway. I was told in a serious voice that no I couldn't, it is still very early. I asked if she thought it was a "twinish" number (I don't think it is but I had to ask). She couldn't say for sure, she's seen high numbers end in singletons and low ones end in twins. And then they always dangle that next golden pregnancy prize out in front of you. We'll see what the ultrasound shows. I again fill in the blank "If they stay until the _________(1st beta, HPT, 2nd beta etc) then we'll be safe." And again I'm on the merry-go-round hoping they stay and are healthy, worried they won't.

I love you so much, Embies! You amazing little things. Please stay so I can give you your prenatal name.

Ultrasound next Thursday!

14 comments:

  1. Aw, Paige, this is such a wonderful, magical and beautiful time. I'm so happy you're able to experience it and enjoy every last second of it. I have a very good feeling that everything is going to be great with this pregnancy, but I still can't wait to hear the results of your ultrasound.

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  2. How special! I totally still get the feeling well all of them you mentioned. OMG and filling in the blank. I can't wait to read everything to come, Paige. Your prenatal name, your ultrasounds. Everything. Squee!

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  3. Not laughing at all, just grinning ear to ear! I am soooo happy for you and only a week until your ultrasound!!!

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  4. "LIKE" I have much more great and exciting stuff to say but for now (tired & happy for you) it can be best described as "LIKE".

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  5. Aww look you are a mommy. I'm pretty sure you will be worrying about little one(s) and their health until. . .forever?!
    How exciting and I find myself in the same pose as Samantha--smiling ear to ear and my eyes tearing up.
    I'm so mushy gushy over everyday things I think if I ever make it to pregnancy/when I get pregnant I be the total opposite--who knows?! ;)
    Enjoy the gushy feelings and growing your little embies!!!!

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  6. What a nice change up, tears of joy!! It must seem so surreal still, but as time progresses and ultrasounds happen, it will really begin to settle in. This is so flippen exciting....I a, so very happy for you my friend. xoxoxoxoxox

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  7. How exciting. I can't wait to hear next weeks results!

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  8. I found your blog several weeks ago, but came back today after reading Kim's post.... CONGRATS! I can't wait to hear how things progress!

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  9. I'm laughing AND crying with you! About your worrying, let me tell you, it doesn't go away. You're going to worry but try to keep perspective & stay focused on the happy joyful stuff...like YOU'RE PREGNANT!

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  10. I am so happy for you, and can't wait to hear about your u/s!

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  11. Grow little seed grow. Congratulations!

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  12. Yes -- you are pregnant! I'm so happy for you, and even more happy to hear you are feeling so good and letting the joy sink in.

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