Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Happy Birthday Stretch

I cannot believe I'm the aunt to a TEENAGER. It's been all boys, texting and wii this past year so I wonder what 13 will bring her. Where did the years go? I'm proud to be the aunt of such a beautiful, funny and smart young woman.

Oreo ice cream cake at E's house to celebrate. I loved watching E show Stretch a few chords on her new guitar and joking around with the whole family.

While there we got to talking about injuries and who'd had stitches. I guess I'm the only one in the family who has had them which is surprising since we grew up on a farm and were around tools and such all the time. Mom busts out with the info that I was the first patient at our local hospital's emergency room. I swear I've never heard this before. I remember falling in the bathtub and cutting my eyebrow open. I remember driving there holding a washcloth on my cut and asking Mom if I could pray without folding my hands. I remember being scared. But I don't remember being the first patient. Mom says there were doctors and nurses just standing around waiting for the first patient. I imagine they were disappointed it wasn't some big trauma but just a clumsy little girl.

Three inches of snow here and a Snow Day from school. I sat on my butt all morning watching TV and laying around. In the afternoon I did laundry and cleaned yet another layer of dust off of everything I own, vacuumed and tore out the other half of my kitchen floor.

And I took my first Xanax. I hated to do it because I really didn't feel the need but both the dr and the couselor cautioned to try for the first time when I was at home so I could know how I responded when I needed it. I can see why it's addictive. The vacation I needed. The ugly emotional wheel stopped for a while. I wish I didn't have to have those pills but I hope they can help me when I'm actually feeling driven to the edge.

To Iris' Mommy: Thank you for your kind comment and for understanding and defending my "voice". Thank you for being part of my support system and listening (reading) without judgement.

To Nell: Heferrini is my new favorite word!


  1. I'm happy you got a day to lay around for part of the day.
    I know that you wish you didn't have to have them, but if those pills help you right now then you shouldn't worry about taking them.
    Funny story about your stitches. I thought your question about praying without your hands folded was too cute.
    As far as Stretch...welcome to the wonderful world of the teenager. Maybe she and Richie can hang out and play video games and be weird together...

  2. I have a small comparison with the Xanax. One of my friends gave me one when I was hysterical and falling to peices when my Buddy dog was dying. You're right; the emotional wheel did stop turning. There are days now when I feel so fragile that I wish I could have that feeling again.

  3. Paige, you are more than welcome dear! I have so much faith and hope for you. I really do.

    Super big hugs to you, sweetie!


  4. Glad the Xanax helped. It's so nice when you can just stop the hamster wheel after a long time of it running. Hoping you have some peace in the coming days. Hugs to you.

  5. I'm so glad you have the Xanax just in case - you are doing a great job holding things together. I can't believe your coworker, although I'm sure she would be surprised if someone told her she was really insensitive and kind of rude. You do whatever you need to do on your own time schedule, the class can wait, and if it doesn't work out, so be it.

  6. I've been on anti-anxiety drugs for years (on a take as needed basis). It is possible to take them without becoming addicted. Some weeks I take none, some weeks I need them daily.

    Take the Xanax when you need it.

  7. My oldest goddaughter will be 13 in May, and I can not believe she'll be that old already. Yet I will really not believe it when my 2 year old niece hits that age!!!!
    I'm glad that you were able to slip away for a little bit and glad you were here.

  8. Whoever told you not to take the Xanax can take a leap.

    No one is going to let you become addicted Paige, mostly, you. What are you gonna do? Steal a prescription pad? Head into the city to score lame Xanax? No, I guess you would go right to injecting, right?

    Medication like that is not a long term solution. Doctors see beyond that.

    Just upped my dosage, personally.