The day started out ok even though the flu was kicking my butt. I had breakfast at Bread Co with my former coworker, MS. She gave me a beautiful snow globe with Greyson's name engraved on it.
Throughout the course of the day I spiraled down, down, down. Emotionally and physically. Emotionally, I'm very close to wishing I wasn't even on this earth right now. Physically, I'm miserable.
Second follow up with Dr. H today but it's not even worth recounting my questions or his answers. It's all still the same. We don't know what causes this or if it could happen again. Again, he said something about it being fortunate that this doesn't happen very often and again I said it wasn't fortunate for me. I really tried to push him to give me real answers. I cried multiple times and was terse with him. It was a bad scene.
I think he could sense how much I was searching and dissatisfied with his answers, he encouraged me to take my information back to Dr. AA or to a high risk OB and ask them all my questions. I tried to get a definitive answer out of him about trying again. He said I had to decide if emotionally I could handle another loss but that physically he was comfortable recommending trying again.
And he did give me something for this flu. Speaking of which...I have to throw up now.