After blogging last night, I opened an email from my mother. I guess she's been feeling that her grief is "getting in my way" and feels guilty about crying in front of me. We've been having an email exchange about it. Anyway, within the latest email she talks about my great grandmother:
"Remember the story about Grandmother Yevette seeing a golden light surround you as Grandpa baptized you. She told that story many times through the years & I'm sure it happened exactly the way she said."
Ummm... I don't remember ever hearing this story before. Mom strikes again. I couldn't help but wonder about the timing of it. I'd just had golden light around me as part of this mystical Reiki experience and she tells me about Grandma Yvette seeing golden light around me as an infant. It all seems a little unworldly to me.
I asked her about it tonight and she said Grandma Y talked about it a lot when I was a small child. When Grandpa Williams sprinkled the water on my forehead Grandma Y saw a gold light "come out" and surrounded me. She said it stayed with me for the rest of the service. I tried to press Mom for more details but she couldn't remember much more.
In the first 10 seconds of laying eyes on me this morning, Jae, who has some experience with Reiki, noticed something different. "Reiki was wonderful for you, wasn't it?" she asked. She said she I looked 26 pounds lighter and 10 years younger. That my skin looked lighter and alive again. When I checked myself out in the mirror, I had to agree with her. The clinched, tight look has loosened and wrinkles that were starting to form between my eyes were less pronounced. I think this experience with Reiki has been life changing...such as life is these days. I haven't been able to recognize my eyes in the mirror since losing Greyson, but this time when I looked, I saw a tiny glint of the Paige I'm familiar with peeking out at me.
I went to visit Greyson's grave after school and I didn't cry. I didn't really feel at peace but sort of numb.
I still feel plenty of pain and have cried at other times today but something has definitely changed.