I guess it was an ok day....as ok as they get these days. School was fine except for DRA reading test where each child reads to me individually. The scores are so low, so low. I think it's been about 6 weeks since I've taught small group reading between vacation, snow days, other junk going on at school and the obvious. Not fair to the kids. I just hope it's not too late for me to dig in and make up for lost time. And I hope I'm able to do it.
I went to my dentist, who is friends with me on FB because we went to high school together, not because we're actually friends. The same dentist I dreamt about here. It seems every single thing I do is tied to some pregnancy memory. He didn't mention anything about my loss although I did post something about it on FB. But he DID shove pictures of his four children in my face, including the twins and the recent adopted baby. I'm thinking they had infertility trouble. Who knows? I'm thinking of changing dentists.
On the topic of being honest:
Writing here is not me being honest or gracious. It has become something I just HAVE to do. There is something to be said for releasing crap into the "universe". And writing here is my life line to sanity or the attempt at sanity. YOU are my life line to sanity. I reread your comments over and over sometimes. Some of your comments are so beautiful and deep. So loving. Sometimes it's just the common sense I need at that moment. Sometimes it's just what I need to hear while I'm emotionally writhing and in such pain. The things you write to me DO make a dent in the guilt, and obsessive self doubt. At times, I wonder if there will ever be another happy thing on this blog. I know what I've written since it happened has been so harsh and ugly. Hard to write so I'm sure hard to read too. Thank you for staying with me during this crapfest and I apologize for not being able to comment on most of your blogs.
More released crap:
You may be wondering how my Clara Dog is doing. Very well. Still limping but she's getting more and more difficult to keep "quiet". Much improvement on that first week, when she was in such distress that I wondered if I made the right decision or should have followed Dad's advice to put her down. I take a couple of her staples out everyday with a surgical staple remover Dad had with his vet equipment and the incision looks good. I hope the inside is healing just as well. AND she finally pooped (released crap) on Sunday. If you're keeping track that's 12 days after surgery! I'm estimating that about 10 pounds of crap came out of my 60 pound dog. The vet had said she might not poop for 3-5 days but my Clara B is definitely an overachiever on holding crap in. I can't imagine how uncomfortable she was. 2 weeks of "recovery" down and 2 to go. Then rehabilitation starts.