Monday, January 18, 2010


Last night I dreamt there was a flood and my house floated away. I kept trying to reach my stuff but just as I would get close enough to touch an item it would drift out of my reach. Don't need Freud to anaylize this one. I woke up with a flood in my pants. Alarmingly heavy flow. Icky way to start the day.

I have spent a gloomy and anxiety ridden day. I go to the new dr. for ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow. I'm terrified he'll say something like, "You are way too fat and old to have a baby and there are no eggs anyway, what made you think it was even a good idea to try?" Add the probability of getting lost on the way to a new place in the big city. Oh and let's not forget dropping trou for a person I've never met before while the crimson flood is aflowin.

I've literally been having these thoughts all day. I have to find a way to push them aside and have more positive thoughts. I did finally go outside and take a walk, even though it is pretty cool and cloudy today. The only thing that started me moving was the thought that maybe exercise today would make my blood pressure a little lower tomorrow. I don't have trouble with my blood pressure but the last few times at the dr. it was very slightly elevated. I do not want to have another thing working against me.

Wellness Workshop tonight. I didn't do my "homework" and I'm sooo not in the mood.

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