I have been eating out of control all day. Too much. Of the wrong thing. Way too much. I knew I wanted to blog about it but when I got home I kept thinking, "I'm so tired, I'll just skip blogging tonight". So the dodge and perry is still in full swing but I'm here, writing. Now my stomach is uncomfortably full and it's late so I'll have to go to bed on it.
Not really sure why the eating went out of control. I've been off my normal schedule all week, actually for two weeks and I know that getting out of routine is very bad for my eating. I'm weary and worn out from thinking baby-making related thoughts. A couple of mildly dysfunctional encounters with family has made me wonder if I've over estimated the nurturing environment I thought I was bringing a child into. I haven't exercised all week, that always drives me closer to the edge.
My constant hope is that when they do the ultrasound, they will find youngish looking ovaries. Some people have said to me that I look younger than my age but what about my insides? What is the effect of over 100 extra pounds over almost 20 years on ovaries.
Why can't I make choices that will make me feel good? What is stopping me? I certainly DO NOT enjoy feeling this way. A rambling post....I don't even know how to write about this, much less resolve my weight problems through blogging.