Plummet

My frame of mind took a plummet today. Not all the way to the bottom of the well, but further down than I've been in a while. This two week wait is dreadful. 7 days and there are absolutely no messages from the Uterus Files. I feel as normal as can be...as empty as usual. My mind constantly murmers...there's still hope, there's still hope as it tries to convince me that I WAS feeling a twinge, a tiny gurgle of nausea. While at the same time urging me NOT to get my hopes up.

Earlier today, I stumbled upon a phrase that helped the plummet. Advanced Maternal Age (AMA). I don't know how I avoided this phrase up until now. I've never encountered it before but I think it's horrible. Sounds like Advanced Fill In Uncurable Disease Here to me. The usual obsessive thoughts are joined by the return of the disbelief that I've let childlessness go on this long.

I keep wondering if this will ever happen for me and if I can go on in life if it doesn't.


DollFace is here for the night. Big sis is having a big kid slumber party to celebrate her 12th (12!!) Birthday so we're having our own slumber party of two to include cookie making, movies, popcorn perhaps even a tea party. I'm greatful for the distraction.