Phone consultation with Dr. All-American. My first time talking to him. He was very nice but not all that hopeful. He recommends coming in on CD 2 or 3 for blood test and ultrasound to determine number of follicles and then moving toward IVF. He stressed that one needs a "good" quantity as well as quality of eggs and those two things go down as a woman ages. He said this multiple times and now I'm really fretting that I won't have what it takes to become pregnant. He would not outline any further treatment until he has those results.
Dr. Hottie was always so encouraging and hopeful on my behalf. Or maybe I projected that onto him because I WANTED to be encouraged and given hope. I asked him more than once if he thought I was running out of time and he always answered that he didn't think I was. Did I trust him too much?
How the prayers have changed over time. I used to pray that I'd get preggers...just get preggers that's all. Then I had to start praying for eggs to actually show up to the party. Now I'm desperately praying for good quality eggs and enough of them. I keep thinking...someone has to be the childless spinster, not everyone can have a miracle and wondering if that will be my role in life. I'm really very worried and sad about it all.