Saturday, January 23, 2010

Soup and Fondue

I know things must be bad with me because my mom brought me food today. Broccoli cheese soup. But I didn't eat any. I feel like there's an emergency light in my brain. You should eat something," it flashes. And a while later, "REALLY, you should eat something." "Time to bathe." "Brush your teeth." "These are socially acceptable basics, you need to do these things." I used to laugh when people said they were so upset they just couldn't eat. Please....upset usually drives me right to the cookie jar. But now I understand. I could care less. The world passes me by and I don't care much. The polyp in my uterus could be precancerous, oh well. Mealtimes pass by and I don't even notice.

I'm doing better though. I'm on to worrying that the "newness" of this drug will wear off and I'll crash. I'm hoping to be off it in a few weeks when I've made a few decisions.

Weeks ago I made plans to go to the M.elting P.ot with my yayas. They all seemed to think it was still a good idea for me to go. So I went because I had to. I have to carry on with normal activities. I have to. I felt like I was a far away spectator or watching outside my body. I can't really say it was fun but I'm overwhelmed with gratitude to my amazing friends for trying to drag me back from the edge. Even though I didn't feel normal at all, it was good to be around "normal".

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