Earlier at Mom's, she lamented that she couldn't believe it's Christmas and no one has baked any cookies. Her father used to bake for weeks before Christmas. 30 or more different kinds. Again I'm wanting to act ok and fool everyone (including myself?) so I went home and launched into making magic bars, Oreo truffles and various chocolate covered treats. I had promised Dollface yesterday that she could come over and bake sugar cookies. They didn't really turn out and we didn't have time to decorate them. She had fun, I guess.
Now I'm unbelievably melancholy.
Lonely but couldn't bear to be around anyone.
It's UNTHINKABLE to celebrate the birth of His son while mine is in a grave.
Wondering what the hell He's doing with my life and if he's even out there.
And what the hell is there to celebrate.