Saturday, December 18, 2010


Mom and I went shopping to find tile for my kitchen remodel. We did a good job of "faking it". I only had a couple hard moments at the tile store. We actually had a few laughs at dinner joking about the giant stalks of broccoli on our plates. Only on the drive home did we talk a little about what happened.

I would really prefer to forget the whole kitchen project. It was all for the baby anyway. I just couldn't see having a baby with such a small kitchen and no dishwasher so in the middle of my pregnancy I charged headfirst into the excitement of a serious remodel. I had just ordered the cabinets the week before and paid for them the day I found out he was a boy. The designer I had been working with at the Hardware Megamart was so very excited for us.

Now I just can't fathom having a fabulous new kitchen with no baby.
I don't want the kitchen anymore.
Take the kitchen and give me my baby.

But the nonreturnable cabinets are ordered and arriving Wednesday. Mom needs to know I'm ok and wants to help with all the design choices. Dad is desperate for projects and has said a few times that he's excited to get started. So onward we go...

I'm thinking the wall that's coming down has my name on it along with a sledgehammer.


  1. I think the sledgehammer idea is excellent.

  2. Maybe the kitchen redo might provide a little distraction right now. It will give your parents another way to show their love and support. I'm thinking of you, Piage.

  3. I am so glad to hear the days are getting easier,although I think I understand why you don't want them too, because that means that your learning to live without Greyson and you don't want to. So the sledgehammer to the wall, a brilliant idea, good for your soul. xoxoxox

  4. Good for you, going out and faking it. There would never be a good time for such a loss, but it seems especially cruel at Christmas. I'm glad you are able to write out your feelings, I wish there was anything I could do. But I'm here, thinking of you. Take that sledgehammer and give the wall a piece of your mind.

  5. Smash away with that sledgehammer. I totally understand why you want nothing to do with this project anymore, but what can you do?

    I have to say, I think your parents sound like wonderful, supportive people. Parents feel helpless when their children are hurting so badly and they don't know what to do to fix it. Working on this project might make your dad feel better.

  6. Brilliant idea - smash away - smash with everything you have - wish I could join in with you, support your rage and grief.
    I agree with the PP, your folks sound like they really want to be there for you.

  7. You sledgehammer the heck out of that deserve it.