Am I completely insane for going into our postpartum appointment tomorrow with this huge typed list of questions? Will he even take the time to answer them all? I'm intelligent and know how to use google but I have to hear it from his mouth. My head knows there are no answers and never will be and that I could have been standing next to the doctor when it happened and nothing could have been done. My heart has to ask.
Let me know if I've missed any....
Questions for Doctor Hottie:
What exactly is what happened to us called: preterm labor, ruptured amniotic sac, PPROM?
Death certificate says “abruption”? What is this and why wasn’t it seen on ultrasound? Why the discrepancy with what I was told in the hospital?
Miscarriage or stillbirth?
Greyson's autopsy results?
Causes:
Age and weight?
Viral or bacterial infection? Test?
Donor egg/Donor sperm?
Laptop use daily, sometimes actually over my abdomen?
Strenuous and long day a few days before and an activity where I had to reach up many times?
My female donor has no knowledge of her father, could something in his background have led to this?
Two days before at our 20 week ultrasound, you said you couldn’t see the bottom
of the heart and wanted us to have another ultrasound. Could this have something to do with it?
I had a large gush of bleeding 12 hours after my four week internal ultrasound with Dr. AA. They said it was caused by cervical irritation, old blood pooling at the bottom of the uterus and looking for a way out. Could this somehow be related? Is there something wrong with my uterus or cervix that it can’t hold things in? I’ve read about something called “incompetent cervix” How do you know?
Was there anything at all on the ultrasound indicating a problem of any kind?
I know the first gush of clear fluid was amniotic fluid, where did the blood come from?
I was usually able to feel him move while still in bed in the mornings but I didn’t feel him the morning of the 4th. Was something already happening then?
If I had gotten to the hospital when I’d first felt the odd pressure an hour or so before, could something have been done?
Why was no medication given to stop labor when I got to the hospital?
If I can gather my shattered soul for another try, when would be the soonest?
Is there a scan or test to tell if my insides are ok to try again?
In, January you removed a polyp from my uterus, is there a chance that could have grown back by now?
Do you think my periods will come back normally? Considering that Dr. AA diagnosed me with diminished ovarian reserve a year ago…what does this mean concerning my periods and early menopause? What does this mean for trying again?
What are the chances something like this happens again? Is it MORE likely to happen again?
What are the chances I can survive it if it happens again?
Are there precautions to take if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant?
Would you be willing to see me as often as I need to reassure me of a safe pregnancy?
What is the difference between you and a high risk OB?
It is my understanding a high risk OB would work with you, do you think I need one?
Dr. AA put two embryos in me, would this have happened earlier if there had been two?
Should I have two put in if I try again?
Less chance of getting pregnant with frozen embryos, right?
Anxiety attacks?
How do you know I don’t have PCOS?
--heavy esp. on top, infertility, weird hair growth, you removed some cysts 5-6 years ago during a D & C.
Sounds like a good list of questions. I hope he takes the time to try to answer them although I would guess that there are some that may not really have a concrete answer. Good luck I hope it goes well.
ReplyDeleteThat is a really good list of questions. I think you covered everything. And yes, I do believe he will answer all of them. It is good to have them written out so this way you can go through them 1 at a time and get your answers. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteI think you ask a bunch of legitamate questions and I think he will be able to answer most of them. Some things are just too hard to predict. I am glad you have thought it all through and created a list that will help you both stay focused in your conversation. I really hope you get the answers you need Paige. I was very happy to see some futuristic questions on your list. Can't wait to hear about his answers. xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteThis seems like a very appropriate list of questions to take in tomorrow. You may not get answers to all of them but he should be able to give you answers to most. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI think the list of questions is good. One thing I wish that I had thought about more and planned ahead with my ob and high risk ob's before getting pregnant again is if I could be on anxiety meds and how to handle anxiety of a subsequent pregnancy. I have friends that are on them with their rainbow babies and I'm jealous. My doctors don't want to start me on them now, and the anxiety is way worse than I ever anticipated.
ReplyDeleteGreat list of questions, Paige. I hope he has many answers and you leave the appointment feeling you know a lot more than when you went in.
ReplyDeleteIt will be hard but we are all here for you! I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you strength.
You've put a lot of thought into the questions and I hope that he sits down with you to really listen and to try to answer them. Like Kim, I am also glad to see some questions looking to the future. I'm thinking of you and will be sending thoughts of strength tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHe had better sit and take his time with you. He's your doctor and you have very intelligent questions, all of which are relevant. I can't see a reason why he wont stop and help.
ReplyDeleteI'm wishing you all the best with this meeting Paige. I hope you come out of it with answers and at least some of the heaviness off your back.
I think these are great questions, and he should definitely take the time to answer every single one (though the one about PCOS I bet he ignores - you might not even ask it, you'll both be so exhausted, and it doesn't pertain much to all the other questions you have). I'd highly recommend scribbling notes as he talks and having someone with you to help remember. Or, if he'll let you, record the entire visit. You think you'll remember all the answers, but you won't and you'll get so annoyed with yourself.
ReplyDeleteI actually prefer it when people who have had something really bad happen come in with a list of questions, then we both know that everything was covered by the end of the visit. Sometimes, I take the list and answer all the way down, other times I let them ask, it just depends. I usually have already prepared in my mind something I want to say, in a way that makes sense, so if he seems to want to talk first, let him - you may get a lot of your answers very quickly that way.
I really hope he does take the time to answer your questions; you deserve to hear him answer them all.
This list sounds excellent Paige. It also shines a little bit of light on some of what you must be going through. I also thought it was good that you went to your first support group meeting and that people were open and candid. The one thing I hope is that Dr. Hottie doesn't act defensive...I hope he takes the time to give you honest answers and to say where he is not sure.
ReplyDeleteExtremely comprehensive list Paige. I was just wondering about the availability of a perinatologist with whom you could speak, even someone to review your records. I hope you do try again and perhaps look into pre conception care with a perinatalogist. I know this sucks way more than the painfully eloquent words you've written convey. I pray you stand strong and hold on. I thought of you when I read this entry from Nienie
ReplyDeletehttp://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2010/12/note-to-those-of-you-who-hurt-hold-on.html
I hope you get your questions answered. You deserve at least to be listened to.
Paige, that is a really good list and its a great idea to write it all down. I hope he answers each and every one of them comprehensively, you deserve the answers.
ReplyDeleteI also agree it is a great list that I hope he can answer for you. Dr. Google does not have your medical chart or know you personally so DR. H should give you more answers. I agree with Shannon - write it down so that you can remember it or if a freind is with you have them write it down. I hope you get answers - sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm a list writer too... when it comes to something so important. I hope you get what you need from the meeting. Best of luck at your appointment today.
ReplyDeleteWe sound quite alike! Good list of questions. The 'maybe next' questions are so amazing to see. My mum had 6 kids. 2 survived. When I asked her how she kept going she just smiled and said "the pain I felt everyday was the validation I needed that I should be the mum I wanted to be"
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the appointment. I hope the doc is responsive and spends time helping you hear what he has to say.
Thinking of you, sending you love
E