Thursday, December 23, 2010

Clara Is Home!

Clara B. Dog is home! Poor pup.

Here she is lovin' that cone collar:
Frankendog with her 20 staples: (Hope this pic isn't too graphic to put on here.)

Xrays showing the plate, screws and 20 staples that now hold my dog's bionic knee together:

A FAKE bone showing what the veterinarian did:
It's going to be a long recovery I'm afraid. While she was on the leash and hobbling gently around the yard with a sling under her back end she looked so longingly at the pasture that surrounds our house.

In the afternoon, I helped Mom wrap gifts. This was one of my holiday jobs as a kid, one year I even wrapped gifts that were for me. She's tried several times over the years to teach me her patented technique of cutting wrapping paper using a butcher knife. This really does make the straightest, cleanest and fastest cuts.

First you use the butcher knife to poke a hole in the spot where you want to make the cut:

Then you fold the paper using the little cut as a guide:
Make sure it's a good, crisp crease and straight!

Use the butcher knife to cut along the crease. And viola! A perfect, straightly cut piece of paper ready to create the perfect package.

This is usually what happens when I try it:

In the evening, I went with E's family to look at Christmas lights. This is something I love to do but rarely have anyone to do it with and I was holding it together pretty well today so I was glad they invited me. Dollface had written a get well note to Clara and she was surprised when Clara wrote back. She pointed out that Clara couldn't write, and I told her that Clara had told me what to write down. So sweet.

She also gave me a picture she'd drawn of our family at Christmas. All of us on a Christmas background and me with a baby in my arms and standing in front of a black hole. "Because your baby died." C apologized, I didn't cry and nothing more was said. I had thought that the children were basically unscathed by all of this. I don't know what they have been told, very hard for a 5 year old to understand.

Or a 39 year old.
Once again I'm hating that my situation has brought awfulness to my family.


The mail is now full of emotional bombs on a daily basis. Formula coupons, a hospital bill, a flyer for an infant loss support group. But I knew something more horrible than any of those has been on it's way and I knew would break me into pieces and it came today.

Greyson's death certificate.

But I didn't break into pieces. Probably because something else also came in the mail today. Something that eased the blow and distracted me. Something so thoughtful and kind from someone I don't even know IRL. Kim from The ART of Baby Making and her sweet friend Libby sent me a beautiful little necklace. I just love looking at Greyson's name on the inside. (pics coming tomorrow because my crappy camera can't take pics of sweet little things in my dim house at night without too much flash...grr)

Kim and your sweet friend Libby-- I'm not even sure what to say to thank you for this kind-hearted gift. How did you know when to send it so that it came just when I needed it? Thank you for your thoughtfulness and for your impeccable timing. Thank you for being part of my blogworld and helping me to survive. xoxoPaige


  1. Poor Clara! I am so happy to hear she is home. Kim and Libby rock... blog-love is a good, good thing.

  2. I'm pretty sure if I tried your mother's method of paper cutting I'd probably end up with a body part looking like Clara's knee... I don't do well with sharp items :)

    I am so glad that Kim and Libby were able to give you something to hold so close to your heart, literally?, with sweet Greyson's name on it.

  3. Yeah, Clara - welcome home!! A speedy recovery to you. I was reading your blog as I do most days, first thing in the morning with my porridge. I decided to have toast after looking at the photo!! LOL.

    Hope today brings some light


  4. Poor Clara - glad her stiches look neat. Hopefully she will be running outside soon. My dog would love to have that much space to run too. I am dreading wrapping presents today - just not something I enjoy. Maybe the butcher knife would give it a level of danger and excitement I need to finish it.

  5. I'm glad Clara is home. As she heals she may get more assertive with the cone. After one of Charlie's surgeries, he began using the cone as a blocking technique. He bullied the girls with it and even ran it up and down the chain link fence to hear the noise. I think Dollface's picture shows that she does understand. You really are fighting a big dark hole right now. Hopefully realizing that so many people love you and Greyson will help you come back out.

  6. Aw, poor Clara looks so pitiful in her collar. Just think of how happy she'll be when she's healed and she can run without pain!

    I love your mom's wrapping paper cutting technique - but I think my results would be the same as yours! Have you seen this: I love it, and I only tear the paper occasionally.

    What a sweet and wonderful gift to honor Greyson.

    Paige, you commented a few days ago that you don't think you could continue to read and comment on this blog if it were someone else. And I know that's not true. You would be first in line to offer your love and support, you're stronger than you realize you are, and you'd be sharing that strength with whoever needed it. I know you would. And I also wanted to reiterate what someone (I think Randi) mentioned a few days ago, that your hormones are still going crazy. So not only are you dealing with grief, but you're dealing with raging hormones. I don't think calm hormones will ease your grief, but maybe make it - easier is not the word I'm looking for, in fact I can't think of the right word - but easier comes closest.

  7. So glad to read that Clara is recovering well.

    I wrap my presents using the exact technique of your Mom's & it drives my SIL crazy as she can't make it work...

    What an amazingly thoughtful gift from Kim & Libby to honour Greyson in such a special way. And pertect timing too.

  8. My heart breaks at Dollfaces picture. So sweet. The gift sounds like a really lovely gift.
    I'm glad Clara is home and hope the road to recovery isn't too long.

  9. So glad Clara is home for the holidays! Glad to hear you were up to looking at some Christmas lights. I know that you still have a very sad heart but I did want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Many hugs.

  10. I am so happy Clara is home with you, she must feel the same.

    I am so happy the necklace arrived when it did Paige, as my friend Libby said, it arrived on "God's time". I saw the Yaya's got you something similar, I wanted you to always be able to see his name and have something to grab onto or remember your son by. I hope it helps you to heal. Lots of love.

  11. AHAHA I love the wrapping. Oh my gosh. It's wonderful. And I have the same paper, too. So that just makes it more fun. I should never use knives in that way though or else someone will lose an appendage.

    I'm glad you got such a beautiful memento to remember your son.

  12. There is no awful sound as a house without a dog.

    Welcome home Clara.

  13. I HATED parts of Christmas this year! I hated going to the mail, getting an envelope thinking 'oh good, another Christmas card' opening it and it being a sympathy card! I am appreciative of the sympathy don't get me wrong.. but nobody should have to open sympathy cards at Christmas time! sigh. I'm glad you got a beautiful necklace to honor Greyson. What a lovely and thoughtful gift!